Nuthin' But Fluff

Halloweenfest 2005 Wrap-Up

2005-11-02T15:20:00.000-05:00

Well, another Halloween has come and gone. Lot's of movies were watched, lots of junk food was eaten, little sleep was had. Here's the final line-up. starting Friday night;

Godzilla Vs Gigan: Godzilla defends Japan from giant space roaches. Gigan and King Gidorah star as mercenary monsters from space. Lots of clips from Gidorah, the Three Headed monster. Not great, but fun.
Godzilla Vs Mechagodzilla: Godzilla fights his mechanical alter-ego as more aliens invade the Earth. Gust starring King Ceasar (a pissed off Chinese New Year float) and Anguillas (mainly around to get his ass kicked).
Demons: An evil movie theater kills off bad actors in Berlin. A very, very gooey movie. The gore and monster effects are only okay, but they are plentiful.
Demons 2: More demons, this time in a high-rise apartment building. Even worse effects than Demons (the highlight being a tiny demon that is obviously a marionette), but it does have its moments...if you're all messed up on Milk Duds.
Tales of Terror: Classic Price horrorfest.
The Omega Man: Chuck Heston is the last man on a post-bio war Earth...except for some other survivors. The first 20 odd minutes (with Heston alone) are great. After the other survivors are brought in, the movie drags.
Halloween: Mike Meyers plus horndog baby sitters equals slasheriffic fun.
Halloween 2: All I can say is never go into the Haddonfield Hospital. However, there are some very nice gratuitous boobies.
Halloween H2O: More gore, no boobs. Why is it that modern horror movies are becoming progressively more violent, but are showing less skin? I kind of like the way 70s horror movies tossed the odd breast or two into the mix...which, in the context of the genre, could be taken in a number of ways.
House of Wax 2005: Paris Hilton is speared through the head. She doesn't notice. The movie has a slow first 15 - 20 mminutes, but picks up once the hacking begins.
Land of the Dead: Romero does zombies better than anyone. Very graphic (the GOP Baby was heard to utter an "eww" and she's pretty hearty) but also better acted than any of the other Romero Dead movies.
Demon Seed: Proteus IV wants a baby and Julie Christie gives it to him! This is a pretty good horror/Sci-Fi flick. Even the effects hold up pretty well (the movie is from 1977, I think), although there is a bad "psychedelic" sequence why the computer is making Ms. Christie large with child.
Burnt Offerings: Pretty good haunted house movie, with an utterly predicatable ending. However, it gets points for starring Oliver Reed and for killing off the little kid at the end of the movie.
Land That Time Forgot: Hi, I'm Doug McClure. You may remember me from such movies as At The Earths Core and People The Time Forgot...and from this movie full of German submariners, dinosaurs, cavemen...and Doug, of course. The effects are pretty sad, but the movie is carried by a lot of energy from the cast and crew. Great Saturday morning type fun.
The Relic: The GOP Baby loves this movie about a giant monster eating brains in a Chicago museum. Mmmmm....brains.
Godzilla All Out Monster Attack: From the new series of Godzilla films, this is just non-stop monster action. Lots of top-notch man-in-suit carnage.
Devil Girl From Mars: Alien babe lands in English countryside, realizes people are dumber than turtles, yet doesn't think that wearing a cape makes her look like a dork.
Isle of the Dead: Karloff as a wigging out Greek officer on a remote island where a plague has hit...and, possbily, a creature of the night...atmospheric, although probably too slow for most modern viewers.
Dawn of the Dead (1978): Heh, it's a classic.
Bride of Frankenstein: And finally, another Karloff flick, this one probably the best of the 1930s horror movies.

Movie Reviews - Batman Begins and Sex And Fury

2005-10-27T09:12:00.000-05:00

Okay, first, two very different movies...of are they? Two tales of revenge, of parents killed before the innocent eyes of their children, two tales of people who forge their bodies into weapons, to better right wrongs and avenge the helpless...okay, yeah, they are pretty different.

Batman Begins is a high budget rethinking of the whole Batman francise, from dark camp to gritty hyper-realism. The Batman movies, obviously, exist in a world not our own; but Batman Begins is much more real-world based, in tone and in characterizations. The orgin story in BB is wel-done,and the acting (with the exception of Katie Holmes) top-notch. The look of Gotham is not the industrial gothic of the previous Batman films, but more of a fallen cosmopolitan giant; think New York City of the 70s and 80s.

The action sequences are competently done, but the real reason to watch is for th eacting. Bale is great as Bruce/Batman (although both the GOP Baby and I think Michael Keaton was a bit better in the role and looked better in the costume) and most of the supporting cast (Michael Caine, Rutger Hauer, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman and, of course, Liam Neeson) own their roles. Holmes, on the other hand, just made zero impact as the love interest/conscience of Bruce. She's not a bad actress - I liked her in Go - but here she just blends into the background.

As for Sex and Fury, this is a great 70s, Japanese exploitation flick. I can sum up the appeal with the following sentence. Hot nude chick with a sword in a comicbook bloody fight against dozens of bad guys in a snow storm, all in slow motion. There is lots of softcore sex and lots of graphic (but not gross) violence. The story? Ah, who cares...okay, our heroine is a gambler/swordfighter in turn-of-the-century (19th/20th) Japan, hunting for the men who killed her police officer father when she was a girl. Much wackiness ensues. It's not Doctor Zhivago...although if Doctor Zhivago had had hot nude swordfighting chicks, I might want to see it more than once...but it is a lot of fun. There is some very nice cinematogrpahy during the fight scenes and the sex is not graphic enough to be offensive, for those who might worry about such things. If you like action flicks with more than a little sleaze on top, than Sex and Fury is a keeper.

The Next Government Scandal

2005-10-20T10:24:00.000-05:00

Is the government ready for a full-scale attack of flesh-eating ghouls? According to the finest newspaper ever - The Onion - the answer is no.

A zombie-preparedness study, commissioned by Pittsburgh Mayor Tom Murphy and released Monday, indicates that the city could easily succumb to a devastating zombie attack. Insufficient emergency-management-personnel training and poorly conceived undead-defense measures have left the city at great risk for all-out destruction at the hands of the living dead, according to the Zombie Preparedness Institute.

Read the whole hilarious piece here. I was laughing so hard by the ned, I was crying.

Halloweenfest 2005

2005-10-19T11:29:00.000-05:00

Every year, a group of friends gathers at my home around my favorite holiday and we spread an excessive amount of time watching horror movies, eating junk food and generally behaving like five-year-olds. This year will be not exception. The film line-up will include;

Halloween - Easily the best movie about a serial killing wearing a modified William Shatner mask.
Halloween II - More fun with Jamie Lee Curtis (who the GOP Baby insists is a man...I don't understand either) and Donald Pleasance (who I'm certain is a man...or a very ugly, bald Englishwoman; you never know).
Halloween H2O - Not great, but amusing. And we do get death by dumbwaiter. Which means I get to use the word 'dumbwaiter', a rare treat for me.
House of Wax (2005) - Paris Hilton gets killed and covered in wax. No one notices a difference.
Land of the Dead - The latest George Romero zombie-thon. Because nothing says "subtle" like hordes of flesh eating ghouls tearing apart B-list actors. And man, do es the gore fly. I have the unrated edition and the levels of blood and guts are quite satisfying. The ending is a little abrupt and I could have used a few more minutes of character development, but a great zombie flick and worthy addition to the Romero oeuvre.
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra - One of the funniest movies ever made, although half the humor will be missed by those not familiar with the conventions of sci-fi and horror movie of the 50s. "I'm going to go off and do science honey."
Blacula - With this movie, I'll start my late-evening "70s Vampire retrospective" theme. A fun flick, far better than its contemporaries 'Blackenstein' and 'Doctor Black and Mr. Hyde'...and no, I don't make this stuff up.
Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires - Vampires and Kung Fu...is there anything more natural?
Dracula AD 1972 - Chris Lee looks very uncomfortable in his sixth outing as the Prince of the Undead for Hammer films and is given little to do but growl and bare his plastic fangs. But, with all the bell-bottoms running around Mod Britain, who could blame him? On the plus side, it does have Caroline Munro, who was probably the hottest of the Hammer starlets in an outfit with a neckline that ends at her navel. So, see, something for everyone.
The Night Stalker - My favorite TV movie of all time, Darren McGavin tracks down a vampire in modern day (okay, if the modern day is in 1972) Las Vegas.
And, finally, Daughters of Darkness: Eurotrash lesbian vampires. It just screams quality, doesn't it?

So, don't you all wish you knew me and lived in DC?

Anyway, Happy nearly Halloween!

Movie Sunday

2005-10-17T09:47:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, while cleaning my apartment and between bouts of reading Imperial Grunts, I overdosed on movies. I had kind of a 70s vibe going all day, so most of the flicks I watched were from that greatest of movie decades (really, I think American cinema peaked during the 70s).

Anyway, here are a few capsule reviews for you to chew on.

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie - A movie that started with the idea "let's make Night of the Living Dead" in color, and added some anti-establishment ranting, a ludicrously hostile cop (Arthur Kennedy, who at one point tells off our hero, saying that he doesn't like people with "hippie hair"), toss in a lot of gore - including a so-gross-it's-funny moment involving hungry zombies and breasts; ewww - and enjoy. It doesn't make much sense - the dead are reanimated by an ultra-sonic pest control device that looks like a colander on the end of a tv antenna - but, what movie about the living dead does? There are some cheesy effects - like the scene where one person is being eaten by a pack of zombies and has what looks like a liver pulled from his thigh - but also some pretty atmospheric moments. I paid 5 bucks for the disc, which is about right.
Baba Yaga - Let's see, fashion photographer Valentina (Isabelle De Funès) because the object of attraction for witch Baba Yaga (Carroll Baker; the name is from Russia folklore, although there isn't any real connection drawn in the movie) who, among other things, makes Valentina's camera an 'evil eye' (people die when she takes their picture), gives her a magic doll that turns into a half-naked Ely Galleani (yum) who then attacks people with her hair-pin, causes Valentina to have odd Nazi-themed dreams and has a bottomless pit in her living room. The movie is based on a S&M comic book (those wacky Europeans), but has a dream-like sexuality about it. While there is plenty of nudity in the film, the structure makes it less about female flesh on display and more about the themes of obsession and seduction. It is a bit slow and at times the narrative meanders, but, for fans of Euro-trash films, you could do far worse.
THX 1138 - My favorite George Lucas film, although the version on DVD is marred by Lucas' insistence on inserting unneeded CGI. A great dystopia, with superb performances by Robert Duvall and Donald Pleasance. Describing the film is pretty pointless, as it is only to be appreciated when seen and heard. The soundtrack, full of random machine noise and half-heard conversations between technicians and bureaucrats, creates an overwhelming atmosphere of an all-pervasive of an oppressive, collective society. It would have been nice if Lucas had released a "non-enhanced" version, but the changes, while obvious to anyone familiar with the film, are not too intrusive. There are no "Greedo shots first" moments.
Earth Vs The Flying Saucers - Yes, it is not a 70s movie. However, I needed to have something on for background noise while I slaved away in the bathroom and what better than one of the archetypical 50s alien invasion movies? The acting is pretty bad (Hugh Marlowe's performance is wooden in the extreme; good god man, emote!), parts of the story ludicrous (our hero and his wife see a gigantic flying saucer at the beginning of the movie and fail to tell anyone) and some of the effects - like the alien costumes that are constantly threatening to burst at the seams - are bad. But, Ray Harryhausen's stop motion saucers are still impressive and the destruction of DC (mostly the result of the military/scientific hero's device which causes the saucers to crash into most of the District's landmarks ) is cool enough to get me to plop down in front of the TV and watch every time.

So, there you go. More cinematic fun than anyone should be allowed to have.

Bunny Movies!

2005-09-29T13:48:00.000-05:00

More bunny movies (Highlander and The Big Chill) are now available from Angry Alien.

Finally, A Reason To Visit Germany

2005-09-23T20:09:00.000-05:00

Oh, okay, there are plenty of reasons to visit Germany, and two of them don;t involve buxom blondes serving me beer and sausages. However, I saw an article on some of the preparations going on in Berlin in anticipation of next year's World Cup championship.

What does a city need to welcome hordes of soccer fans? Well, a luxury brothel, of course. Although its owners deny that the crowds of drunk and horny football hooligans were the motivation, the brothel is just down the road from the World Cup Stadium.

This from Spiegel;

Strictly speaking though, the new €5 million facility isn't really a bordello at all -- but it is an interesting experiment that could alter the traditional structures of the world's oldest profession. The women working here when Berlin's Artemis swings open its doors next Thursday won't be getting a paycheck. In fact, they won't even be employees. They don't have to work for a pimp and they certainly won't have a madam. Instead, they are required to pay an entry fee of €70, just like the men who come here seeking their services. Don't expect to find a prix fixe sex menu either -- at Artemis, women negotiate prices directly with the johns.

That's not the only thing Artemis's backers hope will be different. In a country where the illegal trafficking of prostitutes, often against their will, from Eastern Europe and further abroad is a rampant problem, the brothel's management say they will also take steps to keep out crime. Prostitution is legal in Germany, but the company is requiring that sex workers who want to do business here provide their tax number and proof of permission to work in the EU. Otherwise they won't be permitted to enter.
[...]
"She can go into the sauna or the swimming pool, get food and non-alcoholic drinks for free...She can even spend the night here and just sleep. And if she has sex she earns money."
[...]
The four-floor den of sin, which can accommodate up to 100 prostitutes and 650 male clients, is also equipped with saunas, jacuzzis, cinemas and a swimming pool, complete with the requisite mini-tropical island. Leopard skin textiles and strategically-placed mirrors abound, and there are both areas for sex in the open as well as private rooms for the more discrete.

Somehow, it is appropriate that the Brussels bureaucrats would have forms to fill out to have sex.

So, that's what the "sophisticated" culture of Europe has to offer us; four-storey brothels run with German efficiency...okay, that's actually not a bad thing, is it? Okay, I guess the Germans have finally made up for the whole 'two global wars' thing.

)Source: Spiegel)

Must Buy Now

2005-08-22T11:35:00.000-05:00

Normally, I wouldn't think about putting up anything about a dvd that had yet to be released. However...coming in October...the DVD event of the year...Kolchak:The Night Stalker.

Okay, maybe DVD event of the year is a bit much; but I loved this very short-lived TV series from 1974. Darren McGavin stars as a savy, but often down-on-his-luck reporter who just happens to run into the supernatural at least once a week. Although some of the eps are pretty bad (particularly one about a ghostly knight) it is still a fun series and was a big influence on the X-Files. Check it out.

Please, Kill Me

2005-08-22T09:13:00.000-05:00

I always have some news show on at the office. So, consequently, I always have the TV on and am bombarded by commercials (something I miss at home since I don't have cable, nor do I have any reception). Anyway, there was just some Jenny Craig ad on with Kirstie Alley (who at one point was attractive; anyone remember Star Trek II?) jumping up an down, waves of fat rippling beneath her volumous clothing. holy crap, but she's a heifer. You know, the last thing I need to see while slaving away for the man is some cow jiggling on the tube. The GOP Baby has a nice rant against a similar phenomenon (fat chicks being somehow worth emulating), the new Dove ads. Bleck! Get thee to a gym, pronto. Fat is not attractive (nor are stick figures, male or female, but that is another issue).

Anyway, this insensitive, anti-fat people rant was brought to you by rising caffeine levels and a general disgust at the blobiness of my fellow Americans.

That's Some Bad Beaver

2005-08-18T18:47:00.000-05:00

Apparently, the howling wilderness to the north of my favorite city (that would be Maryland and DC, respectively) has beaver problem (snicker, snicker).

Yep a beaver attacked and bit several people last weekend in the Rocks State Park. The beaver has tested positive for rabies.

According to the media, the offending rodent was "caught and euthanized." Doesn't that sound nice, given that Mr. Bitey was a savage - if kinda cute - beast.

So, the local health department is warning the public that other beavers in the park may be rabid. So, mom and dad, keep the rugrats under control or they may wind up part of a dam someplace.

(Source: WJZ)

Free Game

2005-08-15T11:16:00.000-05:00

Go here to get a free copy of Cold War Naval Battles, a PDF card game of...well...blowing up Soviets ships during the Cold War. Okay, you can take pot-shots at the Nimitz too (as if). Anyway, this is a fun game that I used to play back in the days when it was still called Modern Naval Battles and was actually sold for money.

Ain't the Web great?

Anyway, go forth, save to disk, print and sharpen up your scissors.

Give Me Back My Mummy!

2005-08-14T13:36:00.000-05:00

Egypt knows how to treat its smugglers of antiquities; by sending them to jail for life. Three men, including the former head of Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities, Abdul Karim Abu Shanab, have been jailed for life for smuggling artifacts worth $55m out of Egypt.

Shanab protested his innnocence, saying "This is injustice. I have done nothing."

Guess he should have bribed the right people (or given those people he and his cohorts were bribing more).

(Source: BBC)

Killer Pong

2005-08-10T07:17:00.000-05:00

Okay, I like video games as much as the next guy, but not enough to play one until I die. Apparently, that just makes me less dedicated than at least on eman in South Korea.

A South Korean man who recently quit his job to play more video games died after playing almost non-stop for 50 hours at an internet café.

"We presume the cause of death was heart failure stemming from exhaustion," a Taegu provincial police official told Reuters.

The 28-year-old man began playing on-line battle simulation games at the café in the southeastern city of Taegu on Aug. 3. He only left the spot over the next three days to go to the washroom or take brief naps on a makeshift bed, police said.

Online gaming is a profession in Korea, with some players earning up to $100k a year and with 30% of the population (15m people) registered to play online games.

Maybe they should try a nice invigorating game of badminton instead.

(Sources: BBC, CBC)

New Angry Alien Movies

2005-08-09T07:08:00.000-05:00

Two new Angry Alien movies are up: Pulp Fiction and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Go forth and see the bunnies.

Going Gushy Over Ben Kingsley

2005-08-09T07:07:00.000-05:00

The GOP Baby performs the dance of Ben Kingsley appreciation. Check it out.

Screen On The Green

2005-08-02T12:23:00.000-05:00

I've lived in DC for some time. But, yesterday was my first experience with the Screen On The Green. For those who don't know, this involves having a honkin' big movie screen set up on The Mall near the Capitol and then showing classic movies for free to anyone who wants to set up a blanket.

The movie - Suspicion - was fun, but the real fun was all the people watching and just hanging out. Although the evening was not all it could have been - we didn't hook up a group of friends we were supposed to meet until after the movie - it was still a great way to spend a summer's evening.

So, for anyone in DC, I recommend checking it out.

This Spud's For You

2005-07-28T11:53:00.000-05:00

Did you know that on this day in 1586, the potato arrived in England? It was introduced either by Sir Walter Ralegh - usually given the credit - or Sir Francis Drake.
Nope, I didn't know that either, at least until this morning. I feel so much the wiser now...

How Your Humble Narrator Types

2005-07-28T09:53:00.000-05:00

This is just sick and wrong...and damn funny. Thanks to the OX Rant.

Movie Reviews - Hotel Rwanda And The Machinist

2005-07-25T08:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, so this weekend's DVD viewings were not shiny and happy. Both movies were very good and should not be viewed if you are feeling depressed...unless, like me, that is your standard operating environment.

Anyway, For The Machinist I'm going to be a lazy bastard and refer you to the GOP Baby's review. I would add a few things, so, go read what she wrote and then come back...okay now that your here again, let me say that there area few standout scenes.

My fave is an extended sequence in a really cool haunted house ride (why didn't they ever have those in the carnivals I went to as a kid; oh, right, I'm not hallucinating). The movie has a marvelous washed out look that borders on black and white, except for a few splashes of color. Jennifer Jason Leigh is great as Bale's hooker/girlfriend (and shows off here boobies...yay!). We get some gratuitous Michael Ironside, which is always a treat.

Renee compares the film to Momento, and, thematically, I would agree. Like that film it is about the fragility of memory, the past, ones perception of the present, how guilt can warp your perceptions and generally, how easy it is for the human psyche to crumble. That said, Momento is a much better movie. Not that The Machinist is a bad movie; far from it. But, if you only can see one of these movies see Momento

The other movie I saw this weekend, Hotel Rwanda is a tough son-of-a-bitch to get through. You're humble narrator normally does not tear up during a movie (although the end of The Omega Man with Chuck Heston speared by post-war mutants, but saving the world with his blood, always chokes me up). But, this is so powerfully acted - and, since it does depict a real event, the 1994 near-genocide in Rwanda - it has the added weight of reality to it. The acting is fantastic (with Don Cheadle, Fana Mokoena, Sophie Okonedo and Nick Nolte as standouts), the violence subdued, given what actually happened - around a million killed, many with machetes by their neighbors - and the ending, happy but not sappy.

The only negative comment: it is not graphic enough. The viewer should be smashed over the head with just how horrible the events were in Rwanda, events that we (the West) chose to ignore and events that are today being mimicked in Darfur. This toning down was by design. This from Producer Alex Ho: "When the film ventures outside into Kigali during the genocide, we tried to create this bizarre, surreal atmosphere, to let viewers feel the psychological terror of the genocide without going close on the slaughter. This is a powerful human drama, not a horror story, and we believe it is important that the widest possible audience should see it."

Okay, but, when dealing with historical evil, maybe surrealism is not what one should aiming for.

Anyway, that aside, this is a power story, with stand-out performances and some great scenes (I'll be lame and agree with most reviewers that the whole "driving over bodies" sequence is the most disturbing). Go. Buy. Watch. Now.

Movie Review - War Of The Worlds

2005-07-22T09:27:00.000-05:00

Finally went to see War of the Worlds. What did I think of the latest Spielberg effects extravaganza? Ehhh...

The Good
The tripods look pretty much spot on (except the whole 'biomechanical' thing. I guess having big, lurching, deathspewing, iconic Victorian-era killing machines from another world wasn't enough. In fact, all the effects look good, but, when you throw tens of millions of dollars at effects geeks and say "have fun" you'll get a good looking picture.

Some of the scenes - particularly the initial attack in Cruise's neighborhood - are real 'edge-of-your-seat' experiences. A few other scenes and images - like a dead alien warmachine leaning drunkenly against a building in suburban Boston - just stick with me.

Cruise is okay as the clueless, self-absorbed dad who suddenly has to keep his children alive as human civilization is brought down around his ears.

The alien war machines sound neat. Not the "ululululu" of the book; more like a sperm whale crossed with a steam engine. Creepy.

The Bad
How do you take a classic story, that has been successfully adapted into a rousing sci-fi movie once before (and yes, I know there are a couple of direct-to-dvd adaptations out there too; they sound like crap and nothing will ever compare to the '53 film) and then hose the story. Why does Tom Cruise have kids, other than Spielberg wants to have kids in every one of his movies? Why did they add? Why did the aliens (not Martians) who apparently buried their war machines on Earth long ago (and why were none found before? Don't ask) and are xenoforming Earth using human blood, not clever enough to have tested out the bacteria on the planet they have been planning on taking over? In the book and the first movie, the unpreparedness could be explained by the urgency with which the Martians are acting. They are trying to flee a dying world. And, it is unclear how long they have had spaceflight, so the invasion could - and the implication, is - the first time they have been to Earth. This may seem like a quibble, but we are talking about one of the may themes of the story (technological hubris brought low) and the resolution to the crisis. How did the son survive? I know Spielberg likes sappy sentimental endings, but this was ridiculous.

There are a lot (and I mean a lot) of story and character problems. They range from quibbles (why are Tom Cruise and one other character the only people carrying guns in a mob scene in which his vehicle is stolen? With the number of firearms in the US, if aliens invaded, half the population would be toting a pistol or rifle) to serious problems (the shifting motivations of the Cruise's soon, which change for no good reason) to just odd plot points (Cruise doesn't know that his daughter is allergic to peanut butter; divorced or not, would he have picked up on this since she is ten and has been allergic "since birth").

A couple of sequences, while looking good, are just stupid. The worst of these is right at the end. The aliens are dying and the energy shields around their tripods are shutting down. Cruise notices this and points it out to a squad of US soldiers, who blow one of the machines apart. What purpose does this scene serve? It invalidates the theme of man's helplessness and it seems to have put there to just have an action sequence at the end.

The aliens are almost identical in design to the aliens from ID4, at least the heads. Maybe some imagination would be good?

Finally, the politics of the movie - while not too intrusive - is firmly against the GWOT. How so? The is a comment about how occupations have never worked (is this anti-Liberation of Iraq or anti-Israel? Hard to say). It is also wrong (ask the Romans). Also, the only way, prior to the energy shields coming down, that one of the war machines is brought down is via a near suicide bomb (and, there is some throw-away dialogue about the Japanese learning how to destroy the machines (kamikazes?). As I said, this is a minor part of the film and didn't really detract from what enjoyment I had.

The Totals
-- Lots of bodies
-- Dead New Jerseyites
-- Bird fu
-- Shovel fu
-- Sandwich fu
-- Flu fu
-- Blood spraying (hey, the aliens are organic farmers)
-- Gratuitous Gene Barry and Ann Robinson
-- Tim Robbins being clubbed to death like a harp seal
-- No boobs

Call it 3 out of 5 stars. Good for the eye candy and that's about it.

Mini-Reviews

2005-07-16T11:14:00.000-05:00

Since I was sick yesterday (and am still laid up in bed) I watched a butt-load of movies that I just received this week on DVD. Here they are with my always insightful reviews.

First, since I couldn't sleep, I started off with Warren Oates and Peter Fonda in Race with the Devil. Basically, two couples (the wives are played by Loretta Swit and Lara Parker, whose screams are piercing, particularly at 0530) set off for Aspen Colorado. While spending the night in a field in rural Texas (they have RV "with a color TV and a microwave"...hey, this was made in 1975, so that probably was impressive then) they witness a sacrificial murder (a Satanic/Aztec cult; oh, and the breasts of the victim are blurred out) and have to flee for their lives. As the film progresses, they find that apparently the entire state of Texas is made up of cultists. The ending is appropriately downbeat, with our heroes winding up as the main attraction at another sacrificial rite. The film benefits from decent performances from Fonda and Oates, a sustained feeling of paranoia, some decent car chases and the magnificent use of the backwoods of Texas, which look pretty uninviting. Unfortunately, there is a lot of crappy dialogue, the female leads mainly scream, the all-pervasive nature of the cult is a bit hard to swallow (although this element is still well-handled) and one of the main plot points is pretty hard to buy; to wit, when our heroes see the murder they are less than one day's drive from home and they suspect the small town sheriff they initially contact is not being completely forthcoming. So, what do they do? Keep driving towards Aspen, deeper into the backwoods of Texas. Why not just head home and report the crime to the Houston police (which is where our heroes live)? There is some lame dialogue from Oates about not wanting to ruin his first vacation in five years, but this is pretty hard to swallow, given what they've seen. Still, it is a pretty good "rural horror" film and could make a nice double-feature with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Next up, The Crazies, George Romero's third movie. Made in 1973, the film details the aftermath of the inadvertent release of a new bioweapon into the water supply of a small Pennsylvania town, the efforts of the military to contain the disease - and the knowledge of what actually happened - and the attempt by a small group of townspeople to escape. The film is very cynical - as befits the time - showing the military as mired in bureaucracy and secrecy, to the point that they turn the town into a warzone and fail to prevent the spread of the disease. Romero creates a very convincing nightmare scenario and gets decent performances out of his cast. There are some pretty well done and disturbing scenes of violence, as the infected townspeople are reduced to madmen (one involving and old lady, knitting needles and an unsuspecting soldier is particularly well handled, as is a nod to the self-immolation of Buddhist priests in Vietnam). The film does suffer from a low-budget, although some of this handled cleverly by the script (e.g., at one point the commander of the military force wants to know where his fleet of helicopters is to help patrol the perimeter and is told that they won't be available for another 24 hours. He has his men commandeer a pair of local police helicopters. So, gets away with having only one helicopter in a scene at a time and reinforces the message of crushing bureaucracy) and the film is very depressing. But, it is well-worth owning, particularly for fans of Romero or 70s sci-fi/horror.
After The Crazies, I popped in Dog Soldiers, a more recent film about a squad of British soldiers fighting werewolves in the backwoods of Scotland. If this sounds good to you - it does to me - then go and pick it up and enjoy some creative violence, good effects, good acting, sometimes witty dialogue and a generally good, horrific time.
After passing out for a while, I struggled back into a state of mucus-filled consciousness and watched Black Sunday. Not the 1960s Mario Bava/Barbara Steele horror flick. Nope, this is the 1976 terrorism movie starring Robert Shaw, Bruce Dern and the Goodyear blimp. A pretty good espionage/terrorism thriller, with Bruce Dern playing another nutcase, this time a former Navy pilot who is working with Palestinian terrorists in a plot to kill everyone attending the Superbowl in Miami. Shaw is a burnt out Mossad agent who is on the trail of the terrorists. The movie is hampered by some cheesy special effects at the end, but is still a well done and engaging movie.

Neat Stuff

2005-06-27T10:10:00.000-05:00

Here are a few neat sites, for a wide variety of tastes.

Rhino Entertainment - Rhino specializes in off-beat music and videos, including the MST3K collection.

CreatureScape - Resin monster models. What more needs to be said?

Count Gore De Val - Online horror movies and related stuff.

Horror.com - Horror movies reviews, forums, etc.

Halloween.com - Because every day should be Halloween.

Chick Publications - Nope, not the kind of chick you might be thinking about, this is the official site for Jack Chick's psycho-Christian mini-comics. Primative art and a message of fear and intolerance that would make rabid extremists of any faith happy.

So, there you go. Enjoy.

Those Wacky Japanese

2005-06-15T10:49:00.000-05:00

Not to pick on Japan, but the last few days have been pretty friendly for those of us who might be looking for something to ridicule about them. First, you had the whole vinegar drinking thing. Now, this;

Cosmetics maker Mandom Corp. announced Tuesday it has stopped airing a TV commercial that compares black people and monkeys.

In the commercial for men's blotting paper, several black people wipe sweat off their faces with the paper, while a chimpanzee beside them in an Afro wig and a multicolored outfit wipes his face in imitation.

A human rights group criticized it after it began airing March 28, saying it was comparing black people with monkeys.

After consulting with lawyers and advertising agency officials, the company stopped showing the commercial June 9 and has also stopped using a magazine advertisement, saying the campaign "lacked an international sense of ethics."

"We are very sorry. We apologize to viewers and other people who felt offended," said Motonobu Nishimura, a company executive.

Right, because it is so mystifying why blacks, often compared to apes by racists for the last few hundred years, might find this advert offensive, right?

Actually, Japan has a long history of racial insensitivity (Sambo dolls have long been popular in Japan and the a 'Little Black Sambo' book is back on the shelves after seventeen years). Before the Japanese even knew about blacks, they were oppressing their own Home Island neighbors, the Ainu and viewed themselves as the world's most advanced race.

(Source: Japan times)

The Japanese Are Friggin' Weird

2005-06-12T22:17:00.000-05:00

Why would I write that, you ask? Because of the latest fad, vinegar drinking. Thir from Japan Today;

"Vinegar Sommelier" Mitsuyasu Uchibori offers blueberry vinegar mixed with milk week to customers at the Oaks Heart fruit vinegar shop in the Takashimaya Nihonbashi Department Store in Chuo Ward, Tokyo.

But the recent boom in drinking vinegar is showing signs of hanging around, as firms put out a wider variety of fruit-flavored vinegar drinks.

"I feel refreshed when I drink vinegar, especially in summer. I've had apple vinegar for drinking purposes, but now I want to try other fruit vinegars, like litchi and cranberry," said a 36-year-old housewife shopping for vinegar at the Takashimaya department store in Tokyo's Chuo Ward.
[..]
According to Mizkan Group Co., Japan's largest vinegar maker, the market for drinking vinegar nearly tripled to 21.46 billion yen between March and August 2004 from 7.57 billion yen in the same period in 2000.

Umm...ewww.

Well, they gave the world sushi, sake and Godzilla, so I'll forgive them the odd quirk.

(Source: Japan Times)

Things I'm Learning From My Moviethon

2005-06-11T21:44:00.000-05:00

I've learned a few things this evening from my moviethon.

Before making someone a sheriff ensure that he does not like to wave a gun around for emphasis during conversations. Also, I found out that most murders during the 1950s occured when the temperature was 92 degrees. (It Came From Outer Space).

Mars is crawling with aliens. Hostile, blood drinking, irritable aliens. Oh, and in the future as seen from the vantage point of the 50s, every friggin' astronaut would be smoker and highly trained female astronauts would also be expected to cook and clean. (It, The Terror From Space).

Science will determine we breath...air. (Invisible Invaders).

If you are blond, then owning slaves is okay. If you are a brunette, overthrow your taskmasters, make slaves of them and are a woman who sees yourself as better than any man, your ultimate fate will be to have your skull caved in by one of your former masters (who are supposed to be the 'good guys') or you'll be impaled by a rhino. Oh, and if you are a rather limp-wristed "hero" and one of the blond slave chicks takes an interest in you, just say no if she wants you to feign attraction to the head brunette. She'll only chose the most inopportune moment to announce in public that said attraction was all a plan to deceive said brunette and allow the blond slave girls to regain their freedom. Oh, and Martine Beswick - pictured at right - was a hottie. Particularly when armed with a whip...but I digress (Prehistoric Women).

Fluff From Around The World

2005-06-11T18:35:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's Saturday night, I'm at home watching 50s sci-fi movies - boy, do I know how to live - so, what should I do to amuse myself? Other than that...

Yep, check the English tabloids. So, I now share what I have found with you. Enjoy.

Paris and Kathy (her mother) Hilton will head up tomorrow's Los Angeles Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual & Transgender Pride Parade. But, they're not...gay. But, they are really happy. (The Sun)

Demi Moore is going to show off her surgically enhanced and sculpted body in Vanity Fair again. Is no Moore better than more Mooore? (Source: The Sun)

Finally, Lindsay Lohan - who has gone from well rounded, and surgically boobified hottie to horrid looking stick figure - will reportedly have her then still endowed figure digitally debustified for the pcoming movie Herbie: Full Loaded. Apparently, the only Disney chicks who have boobs are in their animated movies. (Source: Megastar)

Check Out The Land Of The Dead Trailer

2005-06-10T08:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, I am a Romero geek. I love the Dead movies. I think Martin is an impressive meditation on myth construction and how the bounds of reality and fantasy can slip. Creepshow is the best of the omnibus films from the 80s. Hey, I even like Knightriders.

So, I'm ready for his latest zombie flick, Land of the Dead. The trailer (which you can find here) is pretty damned cool and features gratuitous Dennis Hopper and what looks like brief tongue eating; and, really, what more do you want to see at nine in the morning? Let's hope that Romero makes this movie as blood-and-guts filled and as gritty as the original Dead trilogy.

Book Reviews

2005-05-31T11:41:00.000-05:00

I read two very interesting books last week, In Defense of Internment and Imperial Hubris. Here are my impressions of each.

In Defense of Internment by Michelle Malkin.
The book is an analysis of the decision to evacuate and relocate Americans of Japanese descent from the West Coast during World War Two, in the interests of national security. Malkin also examines how the issue has been used (mostly misused) by the Left and the victim industry over the last 30 years and how the current use of it by anti-national security forces is ahistorical in the extreme. Malkin provides an in depth and compelling analysis of Magic intercepts and other primary sources to demonstrate that the intel at the time made it clear that the threat of a Japanese-American espionage/sabotage network was correctly feared and that the response - evacuation and relocation - about the most humane thing that could be done, while still prosecuting the war. She also shows how the true story of the Japanese internment has been distorted beyond recognition by the "hate-America" crowd. Finally, she provides all of the Magic intercepts she used, so the reader can judge her analysis for themselves.
The only thing I think is a little out-of-place are her attempts to show that life in the internment camps weren't that bad. Whether they were or not is beside the point; we were at war, the intel said this was a threat that could lose us the Pacific, so the government responded as best it could.

Imperial Hubris by Anonymous (Michael Scheuer)
Written by a CIA officer who headed up the bin Laden unit in the 1990s, Imperial Hubris makes the case that we are losing the GWOT because we don't understand the enemy, we don't understand why the Muslim world supports Al Qaeda, we don't acknowledge how our policies have contributed to the hostilities, and we are not fighting the war in a way that will end in victory. While he is far too pessimistic - I think - he makes many, many good points, particularly in the need to recognize that bin Laden and his men are not insane monsters, but a collection of intelligent, dedicated men who are viewed as heroes - not villains - by most of the Islamic world. He also makes valid points about how our policies are, in part, responsible for the war and how the Administration has not prosecuted the war in a manner that will end in victory.
He also grabs ahold of the third rail in US foreign policy - our relations with Israel - and does not let go. I think he is right that many Americans - including senior government officials - do not view these policies rationally. Our support for Israel should be based on our self-interest. He raises some good questions about whether they currently are. So, he gets points for not shying away from an important issue, but one that too easily leads to charges of anti-Semitism if the US-Israel relationship is criticized.
That said, there are some serious flaws to his analysis. He claims that Al Qaeda is primarily interested in changing some US policies (support for Israel, troops in the Middle East, support for repressive regimes), not in a civilizational conflict to destroy the West. This is contradicted by some of the very quotes he uses, in which bin Laden, et al, make it clear that their long-term goals are to destroy the Western way of life because it is contrary to the Islamist ideology. This is a civilizational conflict and one that can only end with the destruction of one way-of-life, one world-view.
He does advocate a more vigorous, bloody-minded war, but doesn't really explain how this would work. For example, he points out that Pakistan is a haven for Al Qaeda and the Taliban, but is fuzzy on what we do now to eradicate them.
He is very kind towards the CIA - not surprising - but in what purports to be a hardnosed examination of the GWOT, the CIA certainly deserves a share of the blame for the current problems and, perhaps, even needs to be dissolved, something that Scheuer would not contemplate. This weakens his critique of the other components of the government and their faults.
I also find he is a bit too impressed by bin Laden. I agree that he is not a mad-dog killer; he is obviously an effective insurgent leader and manager of a global enterprise. But, Scheuer seems to cross the line at times from 'respect' for the enemy to 'admiration' for the enemy. I don't mean that he likes bin Laden; I do mean he loses some objectivity in his analysis of bin Laden.
Finally, while I gave him points for questioning the US-Israeli policies, he loses a few, because it seems pretty clear that he doesn't like Israel all that much (calling the targeted killings of Hamas terrorists "murder," for example). Questioning is good; but emotionalism - from the other side of the issue - is just as bad as Americans who believe in "Israel, right or wrong."

On balance, I would say pick up the book. It is useful for stimulating thought and for helping the reader look at the GWOT from a different, more detailed perspective. Just read the book critically and think about both the flaws and strengths of his arguments. I think you will find it a worthwhile endeavor.

Finally, do not believe the reviews about this book you may have read. Most fall into either "he shows it is all our fault and Bush is evil" or the "he's an appeaser who wants us to surrender" camps. This book does neither and those views only reflect the kind of partisanship that hamper our war effort.

Eat The Cow

2005-05-03T09:28:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine sent me this story from Yahoo about an obscenely large hamburger.

Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, PA, has a new burger that weighs a 15 pounds.

The burger - the Beer Barrel Belly Buster - comes with 10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, a cup-and-a-half each of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, mustard and banana peppers and a bun.

It costs $30.

One man who tried to eat it said, "It's a little too much for me to handle. It's like trying to eat half a cow."

Gluttony raised to an art form. You gotta love America.

Miss France Loses Crown

2005-04-29T10:26:00.000-05:00

Laetitia Bleger, Miss France 2004, has been stripped of her title for six months after posing for Playboy. The head of the committee that runs the contest said she was "dismayed and appalled."

From the Miss France committee: "Laetitia Bleger infringed on the rule forbidding the national winner from making herself available for licentious shots - either partially or fully nude."

Miss France committee president Genevieve de Fontenay said "Miss France winners have a status to uphold and they know it."

First, I find it amusing that the French have standards like this. Yeah, yeah, stereotypes are bad, blah blah blah. Allow me to wallow in them.

Second, this a friggin' beauty pageant, in which women wander about in bikinis (hence the reason for the gratuitous image to the left.) So, who really cares?

The whole beauty pageant thing is so archaic anyway, to try and enforce code of conduct like this (you can be a sex symbol displayed for millions to see...but just don't show nipple) seems pretty darn stupid.

Oh, and the reason for me to post such an important story? One, to take a few gratuitous swipes at the French. Two, I want to see how many people hit my site while searching for "Laetitia Bleger", "Playboy" and "nude".

Whatever it takes to get through the day, right?

(Source: BBC)

New Firefly/Serenity Trailer Kicks Ass!

2005-04-28T12:13:00.000-05:00

I'm a big fan of Joss Whedon's aborted sci-fi series Firefly. I came to the series through the magic of DVD, since Fox screwed up the initial run by showing the episodes out of order, pre-empting them, changing the times they were show - the same nonsense they pulled with another one of my favorite, one season series, Space: Above and Beyond.

So, anyway, Firefly was great, but short-lived (14 eps total). So, when Whedon announced that there would be a Firefly movie ("serenity") I was pretty jazzed. Now that I've seen the trailer, my jazzy feelings have been justified. The movie looks great, the effects look great, the whole cast is back, River kicks some serious ass, we (might) finally get a look at what has happened to Earth (or, in Firefly-speak "Earth-That-Was"), we see the Reavers (a glimpse of one is in the trailer) and the trailer even works in some of the signature one-liners.

For me, at least, this will be the movie of the year (at least in the sci-fi genre).

And, if you don't know what I'm talking about, buy Firefly now. You will not be sorry.

Movie Review - Sin City

2005-04-22T12:35:00.000-05:00

I saw Sin City a few weeks ago. Not bad.

You want more? Okay...

The film is a great homage to film noir and hard-boiled detective novels, but with everything is turned up to an 11. The violence is graphic (if usually stylized), the dames are all hookers with hearts of gold (okay, one is a lesbian parole officer, played by major hottie Carla Gugino), the 'heroes' are almost as bad as the villains, except they have a "code" of some sort, it is always night, and so on.

The acting is pretty good, with leads Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Clive Owen and Jessica Alba (and, is it just me, or did anyone else want an entire 20 minute segment of the movie to focus on Alba pole dancing? Right, just me...) each turning in respectable performances. Elijah Wood is also very creepy as the silent, cannibalistic super-killer Kevin.

The imagery is stunning, mostly black and white with accents of color. Some of the set-pieces (like a line of submachine gun toting, lingerie-clad ladies of the night gunning down mob hit men or the "toilet eye view" of Benicio Del Toro) are pretty neat. The film has a non-chronological narrative structure, with 3.5 distinct stories (the .5 is the prologue and epilogue with Josh Hartnett). It works, although it is not really necessary. The film could just as easily have a linear chronology and it would not have suffered.

What's bad? Well, the film is violent, stylized or not. Genitals are shot at and, at one point ripped off, everyone is brutalized, blood (white, red and yellow) flows, arms, legs and heads are lopped off, etc. So, if you are squeamish, it might not be for you. Even the GOP Baby - who giggled with delight at the shotgun decapitations and flesh-munchings in Dawn of the Dead - said she felt this was a bit much. And, if you are not conversant in the images and plot and characterization standards of film noir and/or the hard-boiled detective genre, some of the movie will be completely lost on you. And, I think that the second part of the Bruce Willis segment is unnecessary, since it makes his character too much like the other "heroes" in the film, less the tragic hero he should have been.

Anyway, I give the movie a hearty recommendation. See it on the biggest screen you can find.

Movie Review - House Of 1000 Corpses

2005-03-19T18:12:00.000-05:00

Two confessions before I start.

First, I'm a fan of Rob Zombie's music. Kick ass guitar work; loud, raucous beat; lyrics full of cool pop-culture/horror flick references.

Second, I loooove horror movies. I love classics, like Bride of Frankenstein. I love zombie gut-crunchers like Dawn of the Dead. I love horror cheese, like Cabin Fever. So, I thought I would love House of 1000 Corpses.

Boy, did I think wrong. I mean, how many ways can I say suck.

Okay, there were a few good parts. The first ten or fifteen minutes or so are pretty effective in setting up a strange, backwoods land of strangeness. The actress who plays the killer-babe (Baby) is good in the role, both hot and believable as a nut. A few of the set-pieces are well done.

However, the movie is generally an incoherent mess. The lead victims are so bland that they are neither likable enough to root for nor unlikable enough to want to see dead. The killers are colorful, but become cartoonish eventually. The gore isn't plentiful enough and the movie can't seem to decide if it wants to be a straight homage to slasher flicks of the 70s, a take-off on the modern teen slaughterfest (like Scream). It tries to be both gritty and art-house; Rob Zombie uses every cinematic trick. This works at times, but mostly is annoying.

If Rob Zombie had picked a theme and a look for the film, he had a good enough cast and enough of an eye for film-making that this could have been a kick-ass, surreal American gothic horror flick. But, he didn't, so it isn't.

So, while I would like to say "check it out" I can't. Go buy Texas Chainsaw or Tourist Trap or The Funhouse. But give House a pass.

And, here is the GOP Baby’s review:

This is the worst film ever. Here’s an hour and a half that I will never get back.

Boob Gum

2005-03-18T15:53:00.000-05:00

No, really. A new chewing gum - B2Up - is making the rounds in Japan, which the makers say can help enhance the size, shape and tone of the breasts.

According to the Beeb (the source of all my breast enhancement news);

The gum works by slowly releasing compounds contained in an extract from a plant called Pueraria mirifica.

In theory, this helps to keep the muscle tissue in good order.
[...]
It [the B2Up company] cites tests carried out by Thailand's Chulalongkorn University which found Pueraria mirifica therapy was able to enhance breast size by 80%.

Of course, naysayers cite things like an increased risk of cancer to try and ward off potential Pam Andersons. But, I say, ladies, chew chew chew. And, can you jump up and down while doing so?

(Source: BBC)

Can't She Stay In Her Parent's Place?

2005-03-05T08:26:00.000-05:00

Hotel heiress and pinnacle of human evolution Paris Hilton and her future videotape co-star Greek shipping heir Paris Latsis (I wonder, do they get 'heir' balls...) were booted from the Radisson Hotel on Aruba. Why? Because the bed was a rockin', the walls were a knockin' and, umm, the other guests were unimpressed by Paris' (the girl) moaning and groaning. According to an unnamed guest, "You could hear moaning and groaning and the bed bumped the wall. They were doing it as much as four times a night."

Of course, they could have been involved in a lengthy exorcism...which would explain much of her behavior, if you think about it. Okay, stop.

(Source: Times of India)

Movie Review - The Grudge

2005-02-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

I saw The Grudge last night and was pretty impressed. I have, but have not yet seen the original - Ju-On - so I may be changing my opinion if that turns out to be a "knock you socks off" movie.

The plot, basically, is that the spirits of the restless dead not only haunt the living, but hunt them down and kill them. Three ghosts haunt a house in Tokyo and kill off everyone who comes in contact with the place. Buffy...um, Sarah Michelle Geller...is the sort of heroine, although there are long stretches of the movie she's not in and those expecting a Buffyesque supernatural asskicker will be disappointed.

The acting is serviceable, with no real standouts except for the young boy who plays one of the ghosts. Here is just the creepiest little kid in recent memory and does a great job of portraying menace in a role with little dialogue.

The plot is coherent, although the fractured nature of the narrative - there are a number of plot threads that interconnect, but also take place at different times, so a non-attentive viewer could become a bit lost. And, it seems odd that there are so many Anglos in Japan. I realize that part of the narrative is to play off of the alien feel of the foreign environment to these visitors from America, but it does seem a tad forced.

The imagery is strong and unsettling, particularly in the first half of the movie before you get a good look at the female ghost. She is the main killer and for much of the film you only see glimpses. The film suffers a bit near the end from showing too much of her.

In a related story, this morning, while sound asleep I heard a blood curdling scream. As I awoke, my first thought was "I'm dreaming, I'm going to roll over and see the GOP Baby being attacked by the female ghost from The Grudge. Then I'll wake up." Instead, I saw the GOP Baby grabbing her foot. Cramp.

Ah well, I guess I'll have to wait until tonight for a disturbing, movie-related dream.

Movie Review - Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow

2005-02-15T13:30:00.000-05:00

This is a difficult movie to review. On the one hand, it is one of the most beautiful, visually imaginative films I've seen in a while. On the other hand, the acting is pretty bad and the story is sketchy, at best.

The film is set in an alternate past, in which zeppelins ply the skies, the UK has massive flying airfields, giant art-deco robots attack New York City and our titular hero's aircraft (a P-40) can also become a submarine. Sky Captain (Jude Law) and his love/hate interest, reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth Paltrow looking pretty darn hot) are on the trail of a mysterious figure called Totenkopf who is using robots to collect scientists and resources for some nefarious scheme.

The acting from the leads is pretty much emotionless, although the supporting cast, particularly Angelina Jolie and Giovanni Ribisi are good, if underutilized (and, does anyone else think it odd that Jolie would still be a pilot if she were missing an eye? Depth perception, anyone?).

The story has some darn big plot holes and is a bit confusing at the end (I won't give it away).

That said, the movie's effects are astounding. And the design of everything, from the aircraft, to the robots, to the architecture of the various locals, fits with the retro-future idea (that is, what the future was depicted as in the 20s and 30s).

So, I'd say see the movie for the eye candy, but try not to think too much about what's going on. You'll only be disappointed.

Sengoku Jietai 1549 Site And Trailer

2005-02-10T13:25:00.000-05:00

I loved Sengoku Jietai aka G.I Samurai, a Sonny Chiba movie from 1979 about a small unit from the JSDF that finds itself in 16th century Japan. Well, there is a remake in the works, to be released this summer. You can find the site (with trailer) here. Looks cool. Cobra attack helicopters and charging samurai; what more could you ask for?

Movie Review - Johnny Firecloud

2005-02-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

Over the past couple of weeks, I've picking up movies from Something Weird Video. These films are the cheesiest of cheese, the worst of the exploitation films, movies that make the average B-movie look like carefully scribed epics. Something Weird DVDs usually come with two similarly themed films, trailers, short films, and lots of other extras.

So, anyway, I picked up the Johnny Firecloud/Bummer double feature and took a break from reading about French foreign policy yesterday to watch Johnny Firecloud. The film is a rip-off of Billy Jack, another fave for those who like low-budget flicks of the 70s. The titular character is our hero, a Native America 'Nam vet (of course), who returns to his home a desolate southwestern town. The evil, racist white landowner (ERWL) who runs that town hates Johnny because of a past relationship he had with ERWL's daughter. He wants to harass Johnny until...well it's unclear what is supposed to happen. But, wackiness does ensue.

Various bad things happen to Johnny (whipped by EWRL, framed for rape, grandfather lynched, female friend - played by the hot and silicon enhance Sacheen Littlefeather, best known as Brando's Oscar surrogate in 1973 - raped to death, etc.) that sets him on the Bitter Road to Revenge (which is a good name for an exploitation movie). Bad guys are scalped, bitten by snakes, left to bake in the sun, blown up, hatcheted to death and generally shown the error of their ways in graphic details. Oh, and the ERWL's daughter has numerous topless scenes.

And then the movie just...ends. Really. Johnny doesn't even get to finish killing everyone; he just wanders off into the desert. I guess they were planning a sequel.

So, is it any good? Well, define good. If you mean "is it a showcase for fine acting, insightful writing, and awe-inspiring cinematography," then the answer is 'no.' But, it is a fun way to kill 90 minutes.

The Jackson Trial

2005-02-04T10:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, I really don't follow this...because I don't care...but...he and his family are such a collection of freaks, even if he didn't do anything, the entire Jackson clan should be exiled to an island (possibly beautiful Zug Island in Michigan) so that we never have to be subjected to their bad music and annoying and degrading antics again.

Instead, we are going to be subjected to months of Jackson being tried and his family accusing the US justice system of racism (for more one this, see Michelle Malkin). Sigh.

Well, maybe Janet Jackson will show off her boobs again (for more on my new formula of 'celebrity' plus 'boob' see this explanation).

Star Wars: the Episode Three That Really Should Be

2005-02-01T13:21:00.000-05:00

This is hilarious. That's all.

Movie Review - Spartan

2005-01-27T10:22:00.000-05:00

Spartan is the latest David Mamet film and bears the characteristics of his previous work, both on stage and in the cinema: tight dialogue; characters with spare, yet vibrant personalities; situations that are not fully explained, leaving the viewer with the feeling of having witnessed some both real and contrived; missing plot points that convey a sense of verisimilitude rather than sloppiness.

The title refers to Val Kilmer, an agent with some US intelligence or military group (it is never precisely clear who he works for). Kilmer is brought in to oversee the search for the daughter of the President (although I don't think it is ever actually said that she is the President's daughter, it is obvious) who is kidnapped while working as an escort. In another film, this kind of contrivance would seem, well, stupid; in Spartan it works because it is secondary to the skillful way that Mamet draws the viewer into the world of covert operations. Kilmer and company could be out getting a cup of coffee, for all the actual mission objective matters.

I won't go into more of the plot; suffice to say it is serviceable, although the last third of the film feels very rushed, as if the movie should have been about 30 minutes longer. But, the cast does a good job - the only poorly written character is the President's daughter, but she is actually not in most of the film, except as the elusive goal - and the feel of the movie is enough to allow me to overlook the problems with the last act.

What People Are Searching For

2005-01-27T10:05:00.000-05:00

I found that of the people hitting this site, many were searching for "Lindsey," "Lohan" and "Boobs." I mentioned these in my review of Mean Girls. So, at least once a week, I think I'll have to work in some kind of post that mentions a chick and her naughty bits. Childish? Yep. A sad attempt to get my hits up? Sure. But, then again, I'm not the one searching for Lindsey Lohan's boobs, am I?

Movie Review - Collateral

2005-01-27T09:48:00.000-05:00

Collateral is one of the better movies I've seen in a while. Staring Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx, the movie follows the characters - a hit man and taxi driver respectively - through one night in LA. Cruise is in town on "business" and uses Foxx as transport and is setting him up to be the patsy.

Both the leads are very good and very believable. Cruise is appropriately sociopathic and Foxx plays "nice guy but loser" well. While there are some decent action sequences (there is a well shot and choreographed firefight in a night club) the heart of the movie is the dialogue between Cruise and Foxx. Foxx makes a pretty believable transition from bystander to hero, although there are two scenes (one with a pair of police officers, the other with one of Cruise's underworld contacts) in which he is a bit too nervous to actually sell the deceptions he is trying to pull off.

The ending is a bit too 'movie' for me (with Foxx and Cruise running about trying to either save or kill the last target and drawing no police attention in downtown LA) but it isn't bad enough or contrived enough to detract that much from the film.

So, I would at least recommend renting it.

Movie Review - Cabin Fever

2005-01-27T09:24:00.000-05:00

Remember the good old days, when a horror movie had gratuitous gore, boobs and killer hicks? When special effects did not revolve around 20 year olds sitting in front of their computer, but rather meant spray packs and latex appliances? Well, Cabin Fever is a movie that harkens back to the days of The Hills Have Eyes and Friday The 13th, delivering exactly what a good B-movie should; 90 minutes of entertainment.

A quintet of college buddies (big obnoxious guy, stuck up proto-lawyer guy, nice girl, nice girl's long-suffering male friend who wants her but hasn't worked up the nerve, hot chick in tight clothing) head to "the woods" for a fun week of partying. Why not go to Cancun, like all their peers? 'Cause you don't have hillbillies infected with flesh eating viruses in Mexico...okay, maybe you do; but in this movie, they go to "the woods."

In short order, kids are infected, rednecks go hunting for infected kids, kids turn on each other, dog eats hot chick, everyone dies, credits roll. People are shot, have their heads based in with shovels, flesh dissolves, blood is spewed everywhere, hot chick takes here shirt off numerous times (displaying fabulously fake breasts, which prompted the GOP Baby to ask the expected question "do you think her boobs are better than mine?" I, of course, said no; but, since no sane male would actually say yes, this leads one to wonder about the usefulness of the question. But I digress.), hot chick takes a bath, hot chick has the most disgusting shaving scene in the history of movies, harmonicas are swallowed, there are redneck mystery boxes, and so on.

The movie has some great lines, like;
"Why do you shoot squirrels?"
"'Cause they're gay."

And

"Why'd you steal that Snickers bar?"
"The nougat."

And an amusing and unexpected use of the n-word.

All around great flick.

People I Hate

2005-01-03T14:54:00.000-05:00

In this latest installment of people I hate, I turn my ire on to two types of people.

First, the Metro door blockers. For those who regularly ride the Metro, it is commonly known that, unless you are exiting the train or can't move into the car, you do not stand in front of the doors when entering a station. This is because - surprise! - people are trying to get in and out. Well, someone needs to tell the Metro employees this. Yep, Two shitwits were standing almost flush with the doors, forcing people to push past them to get in and out. And, being the brain dead monkeys they were, they did not learn from having people push past them and move out of the way into the almost empty car. So, it is no wonder that the Metro system functions as poorly as it does.

Second, some clown at the gym who a) while taking a free weight from the rack, knocked over a few more weights, sending them clattering to the floor, b) proceeded to do his exercise, occasionally looking at the weights he had knocked over, as if by force of will they would leap back onto the rack and c) finished his exercise and went to another rack to put his weights away, so he wouldn't have to go near the weights he knocked over, before waddling away.

See the kind of people who populate the background of my life?

DVD Review - Mean Girls

2005-01-01T15:23:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I decided to buy Clueless for the GOP Baby this Christmas and DVDEmpire had it as part of a two-pack with Mean Girls. Never one to pass up a chance to own a movie about teenage girls, I picked them both up.

Mean Girls is part of a sub-genre of the teenage, high school group politics movies which includes the likes of Heathers and Jawbreaker. On it's own, it is a fairly standard 'good-girl falls in with in-crowd and becomes popular but bad before redeeming herself' story. Our heroine, Lindsey Lohan (looking very busty; boobjob anyone?) is welcomed into the Plastics (the attractive but evil girls) for reasons not quite clear. She then proceeds to...well, the story isn't that important. Suffice it to say, the denouement is pretty bad (everyone learns valuable life-lessons) although there are some amusing set-pieces (Lohan, raised in Africa, sporadically pictures high schoolers behaving like wild animals) and some good lines, the story has a pretty stupid 'everyone is happy' ending.

Heathers remains the definitive movie in this sub-genre with Mean Girls at least rating above Jawbreaker (which gets points for Rose McGowan's chest, but little else). Mean Girls, however, is worth a rental, at least, if you want some occasionally biting comedy. Just make up your own, more appropriate ending (mine is more Deodatoesque).

Why I Watch Credits

2005-01-01T13:48:00.000-05:00

As part of my end of the year "End of the World" moviefest, the GOP Baby and I watched Tank Girl and the Omega Man. While watching the credits, I noticed a couple of characters not in the films. In Tank Girl, they are 'Mother,' 'Father,' and 'Young Rebecca' aka Tank Girl - a prologue maybe or a flashback? In the Omega Man, there is a credit for a 'Woman in Crypt.' I've never read about cut scenes in this movie, so I wonder what was removed? In the book, there is a scene where Nevil visits his wife's tomb and drags out a vampire that is sleeping there. Was there something similar orginally shot in the Omega Man?

Ah, the life of a film geek...

Cool Links

2004-12-29T17:00:00.000-05:00

I am always on the lookout for interesting new sites catering the wide variety of interests that I have. Okay, I'm looking for movie geek sites and free porn. You'll get none of the latter here (it's Nuthin' But Fluff not Nuthin' But Fluffers. Here are a few of the former to keep you occupied.

First, if you have an interest in zombie movies, books, comics, etc, check out All Things Zombie.
Do you love The Ring? A fan of the original Japanese series? Like the Korean spinoff? How about the manga? Well, if you answer 'yes' to any of these go The Ring World And, remember, if you're online, she can't call you.

For in depth info on all your favorite TV series, TV Tome is there. I use this all the time, so I can vouch for its completeness and usefulness.

The name of the site is Jahsonic. It bills itself as "a vocabulary of culture." I like it because it has awhole subsection on Eurotrash cinema.

Well, there are a few sites to keep you busy. More later.

Magazine For Videophiles

2004-12-29T11:55:00.000-05:00

Do you love movies? If so, stop reading this and run right out and buy the latest copy of Video Watchdog. This is, quite simply, the best magazine out there for people who love movies. It does nto review current movie, only those available on some form of home media (mainly DVDs). It is a mix of reviews and special articles of interest to those of us who love horror, scifi, exploitation films, suspense, etc. You can check the contents of the current issue out here.

Hil-Fucking-Larious

2004-12-22T13:00:00.000-05:00

This is the funniest thing I've seen in at least 38 minutes. Check out Angry Alien Productions for the best movies with animated bunnies ever made.

Bush Monkeys

2004-12-22T09:23:00.000-05:00

Artist Chris Savido has created a bit of a stir by with a painting (pictured at right) f the President, made up of monkey heads and swamp reeds. The painting prompted the closing of the art exhibition where it was being displayed. Anonymous donors subsequently paid for the picture to be posted over the entrance to Holland Tunnel for a month.

Animal Magazine, organizers of the exhibition had this to say about the worth of the painting:

"What has surprised everyone is that this image was considered controversial. Bush Monkeys, by any measure, is an intelligent, civil and beautiful expression of the artist's frustrations with the current presidential administration. It is a wonderful example of responsible and effective political criticism."

The painting itself seems competently done (given that I can barely draw a stick figure, I certainly won't presume to judge it on technical merits). And, it is clever, playing off of a popular Leftist slur of the President. So, we know the painter watches The Late Show.

My question is, how is this "political criticism?" Unless you actually think that disguised apes are running the country (I had always wondered about the constant flow of Chiquita trucks to the White House) I'm not certain what is being criticized.

In reality, this is just a fairly obvious (and therefore, not sophisticated) repetition of a childish insult that the Left thinks is clever. It is sad when the art world has so degenerated that something that would not look out of place in Mad Magazine (no insult to Mad, one of my faves while growing up) is hailed as "intelligent" and "beautiful."

Queen Should Hang It Up

2004-12-17T10:27:00.000-05:00

Queen, one of my favorite groups, is threatening to hit the road again. After the death of Freddie Mercury (aka Farrokh Bulsara) in 1991, the group broke up. It should stay this way. Mercury's vocals are a large part of what makes Queen's songs memorable.

To me, Queen without Freddie would be like smores without vodka....okay, how do you make your smores?

So, Queen guys, just do the right thing and say 'We will not rock you.'

Do You Need To Be On The Phone All The Time?

2004-12-15T13:05:00.000-05:00

This is the question I was just asking myself. I was in a restroom at my place of employment. As I sat there doing what needed to be done, Someone entered the stall next to my and proceeded to start calling people while...well, yes, that.

He was, at one point, talking to someone about a luncheon he had just been at and how good the food was. I guess, at least, that topic related to his activities at the time, although I doubt the woman on the other end wanted to know that.

Hey, here's a clue; you don't need to have your phone glued to your head, idiot. Does it really make sense to chat with someone while sitting on the toilet? It is bad enough that people feel the need to chat while in restaurants or on the Metro. Now, apparently, no place is safe.

DVD Review - The Return Of The King Special Edition

2004-12-15T09:28:00.000-05:00

I just received TROTK yesterday, popped it in last night and spent the next four hours going 'ooohhh' and 'ahhhh.'

I had not seen this, the third Lord of the Rings movie, in the theaters, so I can't make a direct comparison between the two versions. I will say that two of the scenes that were added - one showing the death of Sauruman and the other the meeting of the Mouth of Sauron with our heroes before the Black Gate - are very important to the flow of the movie. Leaving them out must have led to some audience members wondering just what had happened to certain characters and plot points.

The main battle - the 30 minute plus long assault on Minas Tirith - is astounding and shows how to utilize CGI in a way that enhances a film and does not reduce it to a video game-like feel (see Attack of the Clones for an example of how not to use CGI). Although some scenes are derivative (the bringing down of a couple of oliphants is almost a shot-for-shot remake of the AT-AT sequence from The Empire Strikes Back) they have an earthy feel to them (the artwork is beautiful) and are intercut with enough live-action shots that they rarely stand out as 'gee, look at me, I'm a special effect' moments.

The acting is uniformly good (and mostly Liv Tyler free; Yay!) with high marks going to Bernard Hill, Miranda Otto, Viggo Mortensen and Ian McKellen. The plot is pretty tight, although a few things (like Eowyn's and Faramir's sudden love for each other doesn't make a whole lot of sense). The ending is suitably rousing, with good triumphing over evil and getting a much needed vacation (you'll see what I mean).

Since I did just get the disc, I can't comment on the extras, except to say they're are two DVDs worth of them. Yikes! Well, I guess when I have a spare weekend...

Movie Review - Blade Trinity

2004-12-13T09:13:00.000-05:00

Ah, where to begin...sigh.

Okay, that pretty much sums up my feelings about this, the latest film in the Blade series. Whereas the first two movie were fine examples of action/horror movies, with lots of style, great fight scenes, decent acting and serviceable plots, this movie lacks all of those things.

What's good about it? Well, a few of the fights scenes are well choreographed. And, Jessica Biel is a major hotty. Ummm....did I mention that Jessica Biel is hot? Hey, Jessica, if you're reading this, call me. I want to bounce quarters off of your abs..no, that's not code for some strange sexual thing. She just has great abs and I think it'd be neat to bounce quarters off of them...okay, I have to make my own fun...

What's bad? Gee, where to start? First, why is Wesley Snipes in only about half the movie? And why does he look so, well, bored? Oh, right, because of the movie he's in. Second, why is Parker Posey in the movie at all? I mean, I think she is a good actor, but what was she actually doing in this movie. She is supposed to be the head vampire in this film. But she wanders about like the director told her "okay, you're a coked out drag queen with a permanent sneer. Now act." Third, the Big Bad (Dracula) is neither that big, nor that bad. We see little of his supposedly monumental ass-kicking abilities (although we are told about them. Guys, action movie. Show, don't tell). Fourth, one of the set-piece actions sequences has Blade and his partner, Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) kill about 200 FBI agents. They aren't vampire henchmen, they're cops sent to arrest Blade because he killed a human. So, by his killing them, isn't he the villain? Note to filmmakers, even anti-heroes shouldn't shot, slice-and-dice and blow up cops. Fifth, too much plot not enough action: lot's of time in the middle of the film is spent talking and wandering around and exchanging supposedly witty quips. Yawn. Sixth, too much action, not enough plot: lot's of characters are introduced (Blade gets a gaggle of sidekicks, none of whom have even a single dimension...although Jessica Biel does have great abs...did I mention that?) and there are plot points (like why Dracula sleeps off the last thousand years, but is still known as Dracula) that are just thrown in for no apparent reason. Seventh, bad guy turns into CGI monster at the end. Why do movies feel the need to do this? The CGI creature (Dracula's 'natural' form) isn't that impressive anyway.

I could go on, but you get the idea. If this had been the first Blade movie, there would never have been a second, let alone a third.

So, spend your money on renting Blades 1 and 2.

Oh, the movie does get a point for having clips of Incubus, the best movie ever made in Esperanto and starring Bill Shatner. No, really, I'm not making this up.

DVD Recommendation - Film Noir Classic Collection (The Asphalt Jungle/Gun Crazy/Murder My Sweet/Out of the Past/The Set-Up)

2004-12-08T13:41:00.000-05:00

This is a great collection of film noir classics, one that should be in every film buffs collection. My faves are Asphalt Jungle and Murder My Sweet; however, all five films are great.

Tough guys, classy dames (always with a touch of danger about them), seedy urban wastelands, creative cinematography, hard bitten plotlines; in short, great entertainment. Most of the prints are good (although Murder My Sweet has some obvious damage at a couple of reel changes). Each has a commentary track, featuring either actors from the movies or film historians, but I can't comment on their quality since I have yet to listen to them. Other extras are generally limited to trailers, most in terrible condition.

Giant Burger Devours Cleveland

2004-12-07T09:38:00.000-05:00

Hardee's has decided to help cut down the population of the United States by unleashing the Monster Thickburger - which is either a good porn name or a good wrestling name - seen menacing a chicken salad to the right. This thing has two 1/3-pound slabs of all-Angus beef, four strips of bacon, three slices of cheese and mayonnaise on a buttered sesame seed bun. That works out to 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat or enough to feed a family of four in Eastern Africa for a month. The burger stands two and half inches tall upon delivery for consumption (or, given its imposing nature, worship as some hideous Lovecraftian meat god).

Other megaburgers -such as the McDonald's Double Quarter Pounder with cheese at 730 calories and 40 grams of fat and the Wendy's Classic Triple with cheese 940 calories and 56 grams of fat - pale in comparison.

Why not just skip all the ordering and cooking nonsense and just tuck into a tub of Crisco? Mmmmm...Crisco.

Stuff I'm Listening To

2004-12-05T19:39:00.000-05:00

What is your humble author listening to while he pounds away on the keyboard (and yes, that's all I'm pounding on...at the moment; multi-tasking is so hard).

Let's see, mostly Limp Bizkit, Rob Zombie (I think I must have listened to Living Dead Girl about 20 times in a row the other day), Linkin Park, Johnny Cash, Fatboy Slim, Offspring and Garbage. On occasion I pop in some Dino or The Chairman of the Board (usually if I'm having a martini moment). So, a mix of what my brother calls "angry music" and music my grandparents would like (the ones who are alive...I assume the dead ones are more into harp music right now).

I'm not so much deep as I am scattered.

What does any of this have to do with pop culture? Well, duh, music...Jeez, some people need a lot of help, don't they.

Hey, If anyone out there has any angry music recommendations, let me know. I'm always looking for new tunage that is earbleed worthy.

Living In DC - Now I Know Why The Metro System...

2004-12-02T08:21:00.000-05:00

appears to be run by trained monkeys. In a pair of articles today, the Post details how a) all train operators will have to receive retraining on how the trains actually work and b) members of the Metro Board of Directors rarely if ever use the system. In the words of DC Board member Gladys Mack "[m]y travel, my destinations and my time frames make it very difficult for me to use the system [the Post informs the readers that she lives near the Friendship Heights Metro station and works near Howard University, also easily Metro accessible]. I would have to take two trains and two buses. . . . It just makes it very inconvenient for me to depend on the system on a regular basis."

The first item deals with the train collision incident from a few weeks ago. Apparently, the operator did not know that if the train is rolling backwards, he needs to hit the little 'brake' button to stop it. I'm afraid of what this person is like in a car. Wait, I shouldn't be too hard on the operator; he thought that the train had an automatic braking system, because that was what he had been trained to believe. According to the NTSB investigation into the causes of the crash "operators, supervisors and a training instructor falsely believed that all Metro trains had a computerized system that would stop them from rolling back while being operated manually." Hey, Metro guys, read the owner's manual.

Okay, so, there was a system-wide knowledge failure. That's pretty bad, but correctable. And, no one was seriously hurt (this time). But, what of the Metro Board? Ah, here is where we see the root cause of many of the system's problems.

The Post asked the Board members to characterize their use of the system (rail and buses). Most have never stepped foot inside a bus and rarely if ever use the trains. All but one - Charles Deegan of Prince George's County - refused to release records from their SmarTrip card (for those who don't know, this a smartcard used by many regular riders - like me - that keeps track of usage). Deegan, who is the Boards newest member, is a regular Metro system user. As he puts it "I really enjoy riding the train and the buses, and that's how I learn. The big thing is to experience what the public experiences. That's the way to have any credibility as a board member, I believe."

Jesus Harold Christ on a pogo stick! What is this guy thinking! Know "what the public experiences!" Is he insane?

I prefer my overpaid, pampered, bureaucratic assholes more aloof, like Gladys. She didn't release her records because "I am just very sensitive with what happens with private information that is collected electronically. It's just kind of a fetish I have. I am just really concerned about my information being shared." Let me translate. Either a) I'm a paranoid wacko or b) I don't want to the little people to know just how much I don't care. Yes! Gladys, marry me!

Also of note is the reaction of David Catania, a D.C. Council member who also serves on the Metro board. He initially approved release of his travel info but withdrew permission after consulting other board members. "It's nobody's business," he said.

My guess? Gladys put the smackdown on him. Poor guy. He had the impulse to do right, but demonstrated an all-to-human weakness. Kinda makes one misty, yes?

Of course, some Board members hid their contempt for us behind a facade of concern. Here's Catherine Hudgins, Fairfax County representative: "I don't want any of the customers to think this data is readily available. If we start with the board members, it will open the door to something I don't think is very good." Ah, the Big Brother defense. She thinks we're all afraid that someone might think, gasp, we actually use the subway system. Or, that some of us - like your humble author - have used the bus. Like a plebian! Will I ever be invited to fashionable parties again? Hey, let me save the chimps of the Board the heartache; I use Metro at least twice a day. There, it's out, I have bared my soul to the world.

I don't know much about Deegan, but at least his head is in the right place. We need more people like that on the Board an in all levels of management in the Metro system. The average worker does his job with the resources available. Some of the rank-and-file are boneheads, but that is true of any business. But, the leadership seems to be willfully ignorant of the system they are supposed to be running.

"We're a policy board. I'm not called upon to know whether or not something is working at the Gallery Place Station," said D.C. Council member Jim Graham, who represents the city on the Metro board and drives most places. "I'm appropriately involved with the problems of the system."

No, Jim, you are not if you don't use the system. Maybe Metro should stop providing Board members with free cars and parking spaces and force them to use the system as much as possible. It doesn't make sense that the people running the system are not only reluctant to use it, but seem to have a twisted pride in that fact.

(Sources: Washington Post, Washington Post)

Buck Rogers On DVD

2004-12-01T10:15:00.000-05:00

My favorite Gil Gerard TV series, Buck Rogers, is out on DVD. While I do not have it yet (Christmas) I'm looking forward to reliving the low budget adventures of a hero with excessive chest hair, an annoying little robot, Erin Grey in a spray-on jumpsuit...mmmm....anyway, great show.

Actually, I think my taste in women's fashion was permanently impacted by the show. Skin tight clothing, high heel boots, laser pistol strapped to a shapely hip...okay, maybe not the last. Unless my GOP Baby wants to indulge me ;-)

The show is great in a cheesy way though. It was a lot more fun than its contemporary, Battlestar Galactica. It was cartoonish and silly and in these days when everything is so gloomy, what's wrong with that?

From The 'Too Much Time On Their Hands' From

2004-11-20T12:28:00.000-05:00

A group of Greek lawyers are threatening to sue Warner Brothers and Oliver Stone over the depiction of Alexander the Great as bisexual in the new film Alexander. Sigh.

Don't these guys have anything better to do with their lives? Are their self-images so fragile that they really care about how someone who has been dead for over 2000 years is depicted?

Was Alexander really bisexual? That is a popular reading of the historical record, but it may be wrong. Who cares? I mean, as a historian, I think it would be interesting to know (all knowledge is good) but Alexander's importance has nothing to do with who he liked to sleep with. Is Stone trying to make some 'edgy' comment by making Alexander blatantly bisexual? Sure. So? Most people going to see the movie will a) recognize that it is just a film and not expect it to be historically accurate or b) not have the faintest idea who Alexander was and think it is purely a work of fiction.

Living In DC - I Love My Metro!

2004-11-05T13:31:00.000-05:00

This crash occured Wednesday in which an unoccupied train rammed one that had been stopped in the Woodley Park Station. Amazingly, no one was seriously hurt, but this is just another in a string of accidents, poor decisions and abuses in the Metro system. It doesn't seem like running a rail system should be this difficult.

Here are a few tips to any Metro executive who may be reading: 1. Tell your police officers and station managers not to attack pregnant women. 2. If an alarm tells you that a station is flooding, don't just turn it off and hope no one notices. 3. When you are expecting high rider usage after a football game, don't cut back on the number of trains in service. 4. Finally, usin gparked trains as brakes is probalby a bad idea. I realize, I'm not a mass-transit expert, but, apparently, neither are the managers and employees of the Metro system

Some Short DVD Reviews

2004-10-26T10:03:00.000-05:00

It being Halloween, I have picked up a slew on new DVDs, mostly horror (duh).

Here are a few of them I'd recommend:

Universal has issued 3 more of its classic monsters sets (last spring they released Dracula, Frankenstein and the Wolfman). I picked up the Creature from the Black Lagoon and the Mummy sets (there is an Invisible Man set that I probably won't buy; not that interested in any of the movies except the original). The films in the Creature set (the original and the two sequels) all look and sound great. I've always loved these movies and Universal did not disappoint. The Mummy series a bit more problematic, in that the print of the original has some obvious skips and a bit of noise in the background. Also, the sequels are pretty weak, although there are some impressive images (Karnak's temple set is pretty cool).

Dawn of The Dead (2004): I just got the unrated version and a great movie has just gotten better. More blood, more character development, a few plot holes filled and some neat (although uneven) extra features. Two of these extra features are mini-movies filling in some of the backstory and giving insight into one of the characters. Both are okay, but really don't enhance the film and look very cheap compared to the movie. Go, buy, enjoy for Halloween.

Firefly: Joss Wedon's short-lived sci-fi series is out on DVD. I never watched this while it was being broadcast, but, on the strength of Buffy and Angel, decide to pick it up. I've only seen the first three episodes, but I really enjoyed them and am looking forward to the rest of the series. The series is set in a future with a very Western feel to it (the backstory creates an environment kind of like the post-Civil War American West). Good acting and effects nicely compliment solid dialogue and stories.

Well, that's it for now. I have more, but haven't watched them yet. So, check back later.

Halloween Movies

2004-10-24T12:23:00.000-05:00

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Every year, my GOP Baby and I host a horror movie marathon. This year, we'll be watching the following:

Halloween: One of the first and best of the slasher genre and one of John Carpenter's best films, Halloween is short on gore, but long on atmosphere. Carpenter's roving camera, the sense of dread and the weaving of the mundane nature of the town with the mythic nature of the killer, the realistic dialogue and the above-average acting make this a movie to savor.

Dawn of the Dead (2004): Yeah, it's a remake, but it is a damn good remake. The acting is a bit uneven, but the pace of the movie and the stand-out action sequences (plus the ten minute opening segment that is one of the best depictions of an apocalypse on film) make this the best horror movie in years. And the ending is perfect, unlike the more ambiguous ending of the original. I'm going to be showing the unrated version (9 minutes longer than the theatrical release) with more gore and more character building sequences.

The Mummy (1959): Chris Lee, Peter
Cushing...what more do you need? Next to the Boris Karloff original, this is my favorite mummy film.

House on Haunted Hill (1999): Hmm, which House to watch? Well, the original does have the great Vincent Price and some effective set pieces (like the head in the box, the always useful vat of acid in the basement); but, the remake has Famke Janssen and...well, who cares? So, on the basis of hotness, one has to go with the 1999 version. Okay, you want more: how about neat special effects (some of the imagery is quite disturbing), a good cast (beyond her Famkeness), and a light-weight but serviceable story.

Phantasm: Amazing movie. Odd happenings in the local graveyard lead a trio of erstwhile heroes on a strange, nightmarish and frightening series of adventures. The movie has some arresting images (like the flying ball of death - think silver bowling ball with built-in power drill) and ernest, if not very good, acting. The story doesn't make a lot of sense, but it is supposed to have a dream-like quality and structure, so it doesn't have to. Most of the effects are well-realized, although the movie is obviously a low-budget, late-70s production. Avoid the sequels.

Van Helsing: Yep, it's a big, loud, spastic movie, with lame acting and a butt-dumb ending. So what? The effects are neat (and ambitious, at times a bit too ambitious), the action is fun, and the movie comes across as a big budget remake of the Universal monster ensemble movies of the 40s. If I only had to watch one flick for Halloween, it wouldn't be this; but, it still is a fun ride.

Return of the Living Dead: Braaaaaaaiiiins!!! Need I say more>

Blade: What every action/horror movie wants to be when it grows up. The movie oozes style and Wesley Snipes is perfect as the bad-ass vampire killer. My only complaint: Traci Lords is killed within the first 10 minutes of the movie. Tsk-tsk.

The Ring: The original is good, but I prefer this remake. The movie resists becoming an effects-fest, maintaining a low-key, creepy, oppressive feel the entire film. One of the few movies that I actually cringe at while watching, even on repeat viewings.

Dracula (1979): Not my favorite Dracula adaptation (I like the Lee/Cushing 1958 film) but it is my GOP Baby's fave, so, there it is. Okay, you want more? Well, the cast is good, with Frank Langella, Sir Laurence Olivier, and Donald Pleasence. The film does veer from the book substantially, but so do all the Dracula movies. It is better than the 1992 Dracula (while Gary Oldman is great, Hopkins acceptable and Monica Belluci has a great amount of...umm...talent and while the movie has some very nice images, the rest of the cast is pretty bad and the story manages to stick pretty close to the book, while capturing none of the menace, mainly because of changes to the characters of Dracula and Mina) for whatever that's worth.

The Shining: It has little to do with the Stephen King novel, but so what? Stanley Kubrick creates a world of opulent dread and Nicholson is fab. The only problems are 1) some of the supernatural sequences feel a bit tacked on and 2) Shelley Duvall is wretched, compared to the rest of the cast.

Living In DC - Metro Opens Underground Pool

2004-10-21T10:23:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, a Metro worker in the system's command center heard an alarm indicating that a sprinkler system in on of the stations (Mount Vernon Square) had activated. The worker shut the alarm off, telling no one. By the time another employee found out about the sprinklers, they had been on for 3 1/2 hours, flooding the station.

Steven A. Feil, Metro's chief operating officer for rail, exercising his skill in understatment, had the following to say; "This is very, very serious. The seriousness suggests we need to take this to the highest level possible."

Yes, having one of your boneheaded employees flood one of your stations is serious. Just like having your employees decide that, on the night of a late Redskins game, running one train an hour when there are thousands of people trying to get home (as happened on the night of the 10th) is serious. Just like the poor state of the cars and the decaying mechanical infrastructure (at my station - Federal Center SW - I don't even know why they bother having escalators, since they are being torn apart and 'repaired' most of the time) is serious.

I realize there are funding issues. But many of Metro's problems seem self-inflicted. Stupid employees; overzealous Metro officers; brand new cars that have unresolved software problems and older cars that are frequently breaking down; and an attitude of studied indiffernce to complaints. What we see in Metro is a culture of mediocrity. They don't seem to care about delivering good service at the top, so why should the rank and file perform any better?

D&D In National Review

2004-10-15T12:00:00.000-05:00

John Miller over at NRO has a great article on Dungeons and Dragons. As a life-long gamer (board games, role-playing games, cards, whatever) it was neat to read about one of my first games (I cut my teeth on Panzerblitz, the original Squad Leader and Ogre) and I spent many an hour slaying orcs, looting castles and generally wreaking havoc with my friends. Now, I find I have far less time and opportunity to play much of anything, but I still look back on those days as a lot of fun (and plan to indoctrinate any off-spring I may have in the gaming hobby).

check out the article at National Review. If you're an old gamer like me, it'll bring a nostalgic smile to your face.

News Of The Wierd - Male Boob Jobs In Shanghai

2004-10-14T08:49:00.000-05:00

Apparently, pec implants are on the rise in China. This from the BeeB

[S]o men are seeking to boost their chest muscles, according to the Shanghai Daily.

The paper said most of those seeking surgery wanted to impress women, clients or their bosses.

[...]

"To be frank, surgery is unnecessary," Liu Chunlong, from the Shanghai Renai Hospital, was quoted as saying.

"Physical exercise can create the same effect and it is safer."

He said his hospital had received 40 inquiries into such surgery this year and has operated on 10 patients, compared with just two or three last year.

So see, it's not just America that's full of vain, shallow, lazy people. Another victory for America's culture!

(Source: BBC)

Some Random Stuff

2004-10-13T15:17:00.000-05:00

God, am I bored. And hot. My office has gone from freezing to sweltering. I'm not looking forward to the debate tonight. Actually, I really just dislike the pre and post debate analysis. Who won? Who cares! Or, more to the point, what are the criteria for winning, when what is happening only vaguely resembles a debate as I understand the term.

I'll still listen in (on NPR) since I have no cable - a voluntary condition. Last year I got sick of having 60 channels of shit on. Oh, I do sort of miss the news channels and once in a while the History Channel had an interesting program. But, mostly, I just found TV to be a timewaster.

Speaking of TV (at least watching TV) I finally saw Chinatown. Fuckin' A, but that is a great movie. Nicholson is fab as a hardboiled dick and Dunaway makes a great femme fatale. The film is tres noir. After seeing this I came to the realization that the essence of film noir is: their are neither heroes nor villains, only interested parties.

I have the follow-up movie (The Two Jakes) but have not seen it yet.

Anyway, feelin' better now and ready to get to the service of The Man.

Ta.

Living In DC - The National Book Festival

2004-10-07T21:52:00.000-05:00

The Fourth Annual National Book Festival is taking place on The Mall this Saturday. Around 80 authors and illustrators will be present to talk about and autoraph their work. It's all free, so check it out.

Go to the National Book Festival site for more details.

Movie Review - Shaun Of The Dead

2004-10-01T10:39:00.000-05:00

The GOP Baby and I went to see Shaun of the Dead last night and had a blast. The movie is funny, gory and, at times, touching.

The Plot
Shaun is a semi-loser, who works at an appliance store by day and drinks at a pub most nights (working in some quality video game time when he can). His friend and roommate, Ed, is a complete loser, a fat, unemployed lout whose life is like Shaun's, without the work and with more video games. Liz is Shaun's girlfriend, who is getting sick of his aimless life. Oh, and then there are zombies. While we get to know the characters, the world is falling apart in the background, as the dead rise and start to eat the living. Wackiness ensues.

The Good
The acting is top-notch. Everyone does a good job of bringing life to their characters and making them seem like more-or-less real people.

The humor. This is a funny movie, but it is not a spoof. If I were to compare it to an American movie, it would be Evil Dead II, which has a similar combination of humor and horror (although, in the case of Evil Dead II, the humor is much more slapstick).

The gore. Yes, this is a zombie movie and it does feature some graphic violence. One character gets messily torn apart, heads are blown off, limbs removed (and, in one case used as a club), and blood flows freely. This is not a movie to see if you are squeemish.

The effects. The make-up is great. The zombies look...well...zombie-like.

The Bad
Shaun is portrayed as such a loser at the beginning of the film that it's hard to see why his girlfriend would have stuck with him for 3 days, let alone the 3 years they are supposed to have been together. And, Shaun's relationship with his step father could have used a bit more screentime, so that the moment when Philip makes it clear why he behaves towards Shaun the way he does has a bit more impact.

Other than that a few other minor story points, the movie is pretty damn good.

The Totals

100 zombies

Cricket Bat Fu

Record Fu

Jaguar Fu

Running fart gag

Gratutitous rapping

Gut munching

6 heads blown off

Best use of a Queen song since Highlander

Call in 4.5 out of 5 stars.

Book Review - America's Splendid Little Wars

2004-09-29T14:34:00.000-05:00

America's Splendid Little Wars: A Short History of U.S. Military Engagements: 1975-2000 by Peter Huchthausen chronicles some (but not all) of America's military actions during the 25 years preceding 9/11. A word of caution: For the most part, these are short histories; almost as much space is devoted to the Mayaguez incident as to the First Gulf War and the Kososvo War (about 20 - 30 pages each). And, some of the analysis - particularly of the Kososvo War and our operations in Bosnia - is sketchy. That said, if you have are looking for an introductory text, or a short refresher, in American military history in this time period, Huchthausen does a creditable job.

One problem that I found, however, is that he provides little insight into the changes the US military went through (he does give a decent overview of the rise fo the Airpower School and to our aversion to casualties; however, things like the ongoing privatization of military functions is not even mentioned). Also, for the more complex cases, the brevity of the book limits his analysis to the most obvious considerations American policy-makers had.

My suggestion: read this book to find out which of the conflicts covered interest you, then go off and pick up more detailed and more useful works. That said, the writing style is snappy and for some of the conflicts (particularly Beirut and Grenada) he does a really good job of conveying the thoughts behind our policies and the difficulties faced and the lessons learned.

Living In DC - Watching Limos Roll By

2004-09-23T10:16:00.000-05:00

While I was out with other minions of The Man getting coffee this morning, I was treated to the quintessential Washington moment; the motorcade. PM Allawi's limo and about 2 dozen support vehicles (including a police chopper) zipped by, heading for the Hill. Even after having been here for a few years, I still think it's neat to have heads of state drive by while I'm out getting java.

Screwed By The Dental Man

2004-09-22T20:00:00.000-05:00

Not having dental insurance sucks. I just paid 3k for a 2 crowns (good thing I make a whole boatload of money). So, I paid my dentist 1500 an hour. Not bad, considering all he had to do was poke around in mouth with a drill while I made sad Ewok noises.

It's almost enough to make one a pinko collectivist punk. Almost.

Book Review - The Corrections

2004-09-19T20:16:00.000-05:00

I just finished reading The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. I read the book as part of a book club I belong to. I doubt I would have picked up the book on my own, as I tend towards history, economics, science and classic literature. Flavor of the month pop-fiction usually doesn't catch my eye. Books like The Corrections confirm me in this dislike of modern literature.

What a horrible book. Characters that are little more than collections of tics and quirks with names. Situations that veer from the everyday (a less-than pleasant family Christmas) to the bizarre (one character being caught in a revolt in Lithuania). Writing that, at best is competent, at worst hackneyed or just obscure (why are chauffeurs in an airport described as being like assassins? Your guess is a s good as mine).

None of the characters are either likeable or unlikeable enough to be interesting. They are just strange and unbalanced. The author may have some great point he wishes to make, but the book is so long-winded, poorly plotted and generally uninteresting, that trying to discern it is not worth the effort.

If you like cliche filled books about dysfunctional families and with plots that veer wildly from the plausible to the surreal, enjoy. Otherwise, pass The Corrections by.

I Wanna Be Sedated

2004-09-16T10:55:00.000-05:00

One of the legends of punk rock, Johnny Ramone, has died at age 55 after a 5 year battle with prostrate cancer.

So, only one of The Romones - Tommy - is left. I've always loved The Ramones. Hard, fast and simple rock. The Ramones were not about complex music (although their lyrics are often damn funny), just good music.

Oh, and apparently Johnny's favorite president was Reagan, so he was obviously politically sophisticated too.

DVD Review - The Night Stalker

2004-09-13T21:30:00.000-05:00

Before Mulder and Scully investigated the mysteries of The X-Files, rumpled report Carl Kolchak encountered a series of vampires, aliens, killer robots and headless motorcyclists. In this, the first of two TV movies that eventually led to the Night Stalker series, Kolchak investigates a series of murders in Las Vegas committed by what appears to be a vampire.

The movie has a great cast (Darren McGavin, Simon Oakland, Larry Linville, Claude Akins), a god mix of humor, horror and action, a believable story. The characters react in a reasonable way when confronted with the reality of the supernatural. While the cinematography is nothing spectacular, it does the job and the action sequences are well choreographed and filmed. The film uses natural lighting to good effect, particualarly in the tense ending in the lair of the vampire.

The image and sound are great, when you consider the source (a 30 year-old TV movie). Extras are sparse - an interview with Dan Curtis - but the disk is a must for any horror fan.

The disk also has the second TV movie, The Night Strangler, which I have seen before (it's about a 200 year old alchemist in search of bodily fluids to keep himself alive) but I have not watched in on this DVD, so I'll hold off comment until I do.

Movie Review - Resident Evil: Apocalypse

2004-09-13T08:25:00.000-05:00

Yep, I went to see the sequel to Resident Evil this weekend. My GOP Baby and I were looking for some fun eye candy. We got it.

The Good
Stuff explodes, zombies are greased, heavily armed babes run around in miniskirts, CGI monsters are flamed, kiddie zombies, Mila Jovovich gets naked, comfortable movie stereotypes abound so no need to trouble one's self with keeping track of things like nuance or personality.

The Bad
One of the main hotties wanders around in the most impractical zombie fighting outfit in movie history, consisting of a miniskirt and a skin-tight tube top...oh, wait, that should go under The Good section. My bad.

If you keep your brain in the 'on' position, you will notice the aforementioned stereotypical characters. You will also see some cheesy CGI, vast plot holes, an ending that makes little sense (not that the beginning and middle make much sense either), and a sad lack of gore.

I mean, this is a movie about zombies and mutant bioweapons overrunning a city. I want to see heads blown off. Instead of Mila kicking a zombie and breaking his neck, she should kick its head right off. Instead of little squib hits on zombies, there should be sprays of blood.

And, while we're on the subject, more nudity (or partial nudity). This is, after all, a pure "id" movie. Why have your heroines in tube tops and miniskirts when you can have them running about in cast-off Frederick's gear?

Okay, my vision of Resident Evil is more Dawn of the Dead meets a Victoria's Secret "fashion" show. Oh, like that would be a bad thing...

The Totals

Hundreds of dead bodies (many dead twice)

1 Big Mutant Killing Machine with machinegun and rocket launcher accessories (because its the accessories that really pull an outfit together).

3 Smaller Mutant Killing Machines with 8 foot long tongues

Of course, Tongue Fu

Kung Fu

Harley Fu

Gun Fu

Sauce Pan Fu

Cross Fu

Evil German Accent Guy

6 boobs (4 on zombie hookers...so both 'ewww' and 'yay', 2 on Mila so just 'yay'.)

Miniskirt wearing

Mini-gun shooting

Undead Dobermans

Eye ball bleeding

Too many flashbacks (does backstory really matter in a movie based on a videogame?)

Place called Raccoon City (in the state of West Ferret, in the United States of Ardvarkia).

1 big nuke explosion

3 out of 5 stars if you leave the brain at home, .5 out of 5 if you bring it with you.

Living The Life Of Jeff

2004-09-10T13:32:00.000-05:00

Just got back from spin class. Nothing like having a hot chick making you work up a sweat and getting your muscles all sore (the GOP Baby will make me suffer for that crack later...yay!). Anyway, for all you gym going types who have not tried spin, what's the matter with you? Although the quality of the workout does depend on the instructor, if the person is even half-way decent, you will sweat. You will get a great cardio workout and will be able to feel the fat melting away (or, that might be your lungs exploding as you gulp air...whatever).

And for all you non-gym going/non-exercising types...what the hell is the matter with you? Do you want to be fat and ugly? If not, go forth and exercise. Walk, run, ride a bike, play spots, do weight training, step class, whatever. The last thing I want to see is a bunch of fat asses wandering the streets of my fair city.

Ah, the sweet smell of intolerance.

DVD Review - Donnie Darko

2004-09-06T09:26:00.000-05:00

I've had the Donnie Darko DVD sitting around for months and finally got around to watching it Saturday. Wow. This is a great movie. The acting is wonderful, the characters interesting, the story engaing. some of the imagery arresting...and the ending one of the unconventionally happiest I've seen in a while.

I'll avoid going into the story, except to say that it resembles a dark version of It's A Wonderful Life. Oh, and there is a guy in a malevolent bunny suit.

I really can't say much more, except rent or buy the movie and pay attention while you watch. The story has a lot of layers to it, all of which come together in the end. A casual viewing, however, could leave you wondering what the heck is going on.

DVD Review - The Breed

2004-09-04T22:11:00.000-05:00

Okay, the GOP Baby and I picked up this flick today for 6 bucks at Best Buy. I feel robbed. The movie has something to do with vampires coming out of the closet (coffin?) in a dystopian future that looks like a cross between 1984 and Brazil. Actually, the only thing that makes the future dystopian is that it looks dreary (why are dysotpias always grey and rainy? How about a happy, sunny soul-crushing police state?)

Anyway, I have no idea why it is set in the future or why that future is a police state.

Whatever.

The acting sucks (the guy from The Highlander TV series is a vampire cop, Bokeem Woodbine is a member of the National Security Agency (in this case, a global security service that also investigates murders and stolen cars - huh?) and Bai Ling is a potentially attractive vampire chick, who is usually dressed like a San Francisco drag queen.

There are some okay gore scenes and a welcome amount of gratuitous boobs. Mostly the movie makes one wish for temporary blindness.

Living in DC - Department of Public Works

2004-09-02T13:21:00.000-05:00

I just got back from a little excursion to the Hill. There are scads of public works people out and about, apparently destroying all the existing curbs and replacing them with...curbs. Okay, I realize idle hands are the Devil's lawn gnomes, but do we really need to spend our tax dollars on replacing perfectly good concrete curbs with identical curbs? Okay, perhaps to you civil engineers out there, there is a reason. But as your average citizen, I just don't get it.

Yay For Me!

2004-09-01T10:07:00.000-05:00

I won a DVD of the original Godzilla at last night's showing of Godzilla, Mothra and Ghidorah: All Out Monster Attack at Dr. Dremo's. The movie was fun, the crowd was great and the burgers pretty damn good (I had the Fireman). The only problem was the service. We eventually were able to get server (and the guy who did was bussing tables, not waiting on them, so kudos to that nameless fellow who brought us food), but the terrible service was a bit of drag on the evening (particularly since my GOP Baby was hungry and was eyeing my throat and not in a good way).

Oh, and from where I was sitting, I couldn't read the subtitles, which made the experience very essentialistic (in the sense that there was little in the way of plot or characters to get in the way of guys in rubber suits smashing miniature cities). All-in-all, a great evening.

Jesus Harold Christ On A Pogo Stick!

2004-08-30T11:46:00.000-05:00

That's what I said when I saw Objective:4Kidz with Lambuel, a psycho-Christian site for kids. I particularly like the advice they give when a psycho-Christian child meets an atheist (like moi):

What should you do if you find an Atheist?

If you find an Atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!

You may be moved to try and witness to
these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!

Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.

Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.

Oh, and us "lost souls" are depicted as a goat in pjs with a steaming cup o' joe...which actually is about right...

So, the way I can get little psycho-Christian street urchins to leave me alone is to wear an "I'm an Atheist" button? Cool! That's more efficient than my normal method (pepper-spray and cattle prods).

Another Sign Of The Coming Apocalypse: Cuddle Parties

2004-08-30T11:30:00.000-05:00

Michlle Malkin has this post about this article in the Washington Post detailing some new fad for the lost and damaged amongst our society, cuddle parties. Strangers pay for the opportunity to dress in pajamas and hug people they don't know.

Sigh. Maybe I'm getting old or I'm just repressed, but this strikes me as odd behavior.

Farscape Trailer

2004-08-27T09:19:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, there was a really cool show on SciFi Channel about an American astronaut stranded in a distant part of the universe, running around with a group of escaped criminals. The acting was uniformly good, the stories often inventive, the dialogue fun, the effects colorful and imaginative. The series, sadly, went off the air because the people who run SciFi Channel are idiots. But, at least one miniseries has been made. Check out the trailer for The Peacekeeper Wars.

DVD Review - Master And Commander: The Far Side of The World

2004-08-25T14:58:00.000-05:00

I picked up Master and Commander yesterday and watched it last night with the GOP Baby. I was very impressed with the film. It is a fairly engaging yarn set during the Napoleonics Wars (1805 to be specific). Crowe is hunting a French commerce raider in the South Atlantic and South Pacific. The battles are well done and the photography captures both the vastness of the ocean and the claustrophobic conditions on the ship. The acting is pretty good and the film accurately portrays many of the details of shipboard life in the early 19th century, not dumbing down the techincal details for the audience. The only lame part comes right at the end, which I will not describe, but which is an unnecessary set-up for a sequel. Also, you may have some trouble keeping all of the characters straight and, for those who don't like accents, on a couple of occasions I couldn't make out what was being said (gotta love subtitles).

The technical qualities of the DVD are high. The picture quality is great and the sound will give your system a workout. I did not buy the "deluxe edition," so the disk doesn't have much in the way of extras. But, it is well worth picking up.

Oh, I have not read any of the books in the series, so fans might find character changes or modifications to the plot that they will not like. However, I thought that the movie worked.

Leave Herman Alone!

2004-08-25T10:27:00.000-05:00

We must protect Herman, Grandpa, Lily and the rest. What the hell am I talking about, you might ask? I'm talking about The Munsters. Apparently the Wayans brothers are in need of paycheck, so they are going to destroy one of the slight, but amusing shows that made up 60s TV and 70s reruns. Sigh. Must every on of my childhood memories be tarted up like an aging whore, desperate for that last trick? Blogcritics has more, but all you need to know is that this is another sign of the derth of ideas in Hollywood.

Living in DC - MorePeople I Hate

2004-08-23T14:41:00.000-05:00

Quick one - if you are a gym rat (like me) one thing you do not want to have bothering you during your workout is some assclown LOUDLY grunting and groaning and dropping his weights. Said assclown was at the Capitol Hill Gold's today, sounding like he was going to...well, make a mess, if you know what I mean. He was also a singer and a talker (so he was wandering around humming and chatting with himself between screams of exertion and the clatter of weights). So, in the future, keep it to yourself. Please. And if you are that desperate for attention get a fish. Just don't grunt at it.

Living in DC - I Am Not An Information Booth

2004-08-23T09:58:00.000-05:00

But a lot of people seem to think I am. I'm out the apartment for less than an hour and I'm already asked by some fat Mid-Westerners for directions. Now, I do wear my Official Badge of The Man around my neck, so I guess that makes it look like I actually know where I'm going. But, when you see someone with their nose buried in a book (in this case Karl Meyer's The Dust of Empire) wouldn't you look for someone else to ask for directions? At least this guy wasn't pushy about it when I told him I had no idea where he was trying to go (not completely true; but my directions would have been "head that way for a while." Probably not a good thing to tell an out-of-towner.). I get this all the time, however. The GOP Baby tells me it's because I have a crisp, purposeful walk, so I look like I know where I'm going, at all times.

I think it's because tourists can sense people who do not want to be bothered and home in on them.

Ah well, the day is beautiful and I do have the satisfaction of another day in service to the Republic. So, I guess being pulled aside by a few visitors to my fair city isn't that big of a deal.

Paintings I Wouldn't Steal...But Someone Else Would

2004-08-22T09:30:00.000-05:00

Apparently, a pair of thieves made off with Evard Munch's The Scream from the Oslo gallery where it was hanging (the full story can be found at VOA). The men ran in, took the painting off the wall and ran out, getting in to a waiting car.

They do get points for brazenness. But, The Scream? Who would want to have that hanging in their home, unless they were pretentious or depressed college students? And, yes, I had a copy in my dorm room, because I managed to be both.

Well, here's hoping they are caught, the painting recovered intact and the thieves encouraged to steal happy, sunny, life affirming paintings in the future.

Living in DC - People I Hate

2004-08-21T17:00:00.000-05:00

Talk about a friggin' freak show! I mean, some times I hate DC. First, this morning, while over at Cosi's for bagels, coffee and the paper, my GOP Baby and I were subjected to a pair of little rugrats, running about screaming. Keep in mind that this is in a crowded coffee shop, so there are lots of people about, almost all with hot beverages. I don't blame the kids; they're just doing what children like to do. But the parents...are they complete fucking morons? Luckily my GOP Baby had enough after about 5 minutes of high-pitched wailing, found the parents and told them to police their children. They quickly complied and, in fact, beat a hasty retreat.

Then, this afternoon, while at CVS for a few toiletries, some psychotic woman decided that we were too close to her in line. This smelly, ill-dressed denizen of the under-class had the temerity to address us, saying that "the almighty" was telling her that we were intruding on her space. We smiled a lot and let her stumble off, undoubtedly to commune with Jesus and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. Gated community...hmmm. Anyway, I really do not like have the mentally ill roaming the streets. I for one would be more than willing to pay for them to be confined someplace where they can be treated and cared for and not bother productive citizens like myself or the GOP Baby. Harsh? Yep. But I toil away for The Man and do not like being accosted by vagrants, drug addicts, lunatics and random riff-raff. If that makes me intolerant, fine, I'm intolerant.

I can live with that...as long as I don't have to live with them.

Cool Nightspots - Dr. Dremo's

2004-08-18T09:21:00.000-05:00

Long ago, there was a bar. It in a old car dealership. It had its own brewery. It had pool tables up the wazoo and a dark, dank, campy atmosphere (like a dungeon designed by Pee Wee Herman). It was Bardos. Many an afternoon was spent sitting in a booth with shredded upholstery and a sticky table-top. Many an even was spent watching movies like Earthquake, Cat People, (the Kinski version) and Godzilla...while sitting in a booth, yada, yada, yada. All-in-all, a fun place.

Then it went away and was replaced by something called Ningaloo, which tried a sushi/world cuisine menu while still being a poolhall and failed. Then, it morphed into Dr. Dremo's Taphouse, which is where my GOP Baby and I were last night. First, it captures some of the Bardos feel, although it is a bit cleaner (a bit). Second, it still has pool tables, foosball, lots of nook and cranny seating and...movies (courtesy of the Washington Psychotronic Film Society)! We were there last night to watch Plan 9 From Outer Space, which was not shown, due to a scheduling foul-up. Instead, we were treated to the 3-d version of Creature from the Black Lagoon. Let me tell you, there is nothing quite like drinking a couple of pitchers of James Brown Ale while wearing headache inducing 3-d glasses. And we were exposed to the funniest, grossest cartoons I have ever seen; something called the Happy Tree Friends. Kind of Itchy and Scratchy, kind of Bugs Bunny on crack.

Anyway, the beer was good, the movie was fun, we got free tickets to see Shaun of the Dead and how was only a block away. Oh, and the food was pretty mediocre (although I did only have onion rings and veggie chili. Next time, I'll try a burger).

So, if you are looking for a nice, relaxed place to hang and play some pool (or see a cheesy flick) try Dr. Dremo's.

Movie Review - I, Robot

2004-08-16T10:39:00.000-05:00

The GOP Baby and I went to see I, Robot last night. Thought I'd share a few impressions (because, I'm all about sharing).

What's Going On
In a near future populated by stereotypes (rogue cop, police chief who is alternately combative and supportive, sassy grandmother, cold fish scientist who turns around in the end, Bill Gates clone concerned only with profit, even a spunky, trash-talking street punk) robots are used as a servitor class. They collect the trash, deliver FedEx packages, tend bar, etc. Will smith hates them. He hates them all. Why doesn't make a lot of sense (but see The Bad for more). So, when one appears to have committed murder, he wants to tell everyone, to end the use of robots. Of course, all his fears are borne out and wackiness ensues. He, cold fish scientist and the robot accused of murder then team up to save the day. Cut to an epilogue set in the future in which Al Gore clones have replaced robots as the stiff, emotionless work force.

The Good
The film is nice looking. Not the effects (these days, high budget movies don't get points for having good looking special effects); rather, the design work done on the sets and effects is pretty believable and consistent and the camera work is dynamic and very kinetic, which helps in the various action sequences.

Will Smith isn't bad as the rogue cop. The main defects in his performance come from the writing, not the acting.

The Bad
Ah, where to start.

The plot is a mess. Things like Will Smith's quirk of liking gadgets and clothes from the 20th century are not really explained, beyond being convenient for product placement (at one point he slips on a pair of Converse All Stars and makes it clear that these are from 2004. Run right out and buy a pair, kids). Note to writers: personality points only work well if they are put into context.

Smith hates robots because, during an auto accident, one saved him and not a little girl in the next car. Okay, but he could have had a far more interesting reason for his dislike of the machines; namely that he is a cyborg. His own fading humanity could have been the reason for his hate, rather than the less-than-coherent reason he gives (that machines only calculate odds and can't feel...umm, okay). In fact, a more serious film could have explored how Smith was trying to prove his humanity by his hatred of robots, his desire to do things by hand rather than relying on computers, his forced quirkiness (like the collecting of artifacts from the past), etc. But, no, we don't get that. Too bad.

Bridget Moynahan -the cold fish scientist who comes around - has two expressions: cold indifference and weepy concern...or maybe that was weepy indifference and cold concern. Whatever. She might be able to act, but she isn't doing it here.

Stupid happy ending. Is it just me, or do films have no balls these days? I mean, in the '70s we had Colussus: The Forbin Project, where a super-computer decides mankind is too much a threat to himself and takes over the world. The movie ends with the machine victorious and telling his futilely defiant creator that soon he will grow to love Colussus. In I, Robot we get a shoot-out and a Will Smith one-liner. And then a weird and illogical final scene where a "robot messiah" (the robot that teams up with Smith) is poised to lead his "people" to freedom. Yawn.

The Totals

$12.50 bottles of beer (the future is expensive!)
Gun Fu.
Audi Fu.
More Robot Fu than you can shake a microchip at.
No boobs. Will Smiths pecs don't count.
Gratuitous Will Smith's butt.
Almost a gratuitous Bridget Moynahan nude shower scene (damn you, condensation!)
JVC product placement.
Instant mob scene.
Convenient red glow for evil robots (nice of them to set themselves apart for the audience. Did the robot designers say "hey, let's put in a little red like that will turn on if our robots become evil"?).
Wweet potato pie jokes.
Pointless Matrix-esque effects.

I give it 2.5 stars out of 5. Entertaining eye candy, but instantly forgettable.

PS - Yes, I know that it is supposedly "based on" a book by Issac Asimov. I think what they meant to say is "has the same title as."

What's Sexy?

2004-08-15T08:42:00.000-05:00

Today's New York Times has an article (The Rise of the Buff Bunny) about the number of female Olympians shedding clothing for men's mags this year. The thrust of the article is that these women are part of a change in acceptable femininity, from either the stick figures favored on the runways of the world or the sliced up and rebuilt Barbies that normally sprawl on the pages of magazines like Maxim or Playboy (and, one assumes, prance through the daydreams of many men) to the trim and toned look.

To which I say - Yay! As my GOP Baby will attest, I find the athletic look not only aesthetically pleasing (yep, you can bounce a quarter off of the GOP Baby's abs...which could come in handy if she is ever attacked by a quarter hurling maniac). I also think that it must be the most empowering and healthiest "body image" a woman can have. The waif look would require most women over the age of 17 to subsist on nothing but water and celery sticks. The Barbie body is fine, if you either have the Mattel gene or don't mind being ginsued and stuffed with silicon like a Dow Corning turkey (mmm...plastic turkey). Couple the unrealistic body images in pop culture with the rise of obesity in America and the "in-shape is sexy" trend is good all around.

Most people can exercise and show results. While few of us will ever look like a supermodel or the Hollywood flavor of the month, many of us can see real changes through exercise and sensible living. Women athletes are certainly better role models for girls than the Pam Andersons of the world. And the positive effects of an exercise culture will be felt not just in better self-images, but also in healthcare and quality of life.

Restaurant Review - Singh Thai

2004-08-13T16:48:00.000-05:00

I love Thai food. I love hot, spicy Thai food. And I love hot, spicy Thai food served by a pleasant, attentive waitstaff in a nice neighborhood restaurant while enjoying a great martini. For all these reasons, I love Singh Thai. The food is good and the cooking staff knows the meaning of "extra-hot." My favorites are the Mountain Lamb (with a sauce just sweet enough to be flavorful without being cloying), the Crispy Duck (although the Nappa Cabbage the duck is served over can be a little limp), the fishballs, Kapow (order the chicken, extra-hot), and Drunken Noodles. About the only culinary disappointment is to found in the steamed dumplings. I've tried them a couple of times (I generally love dumplings) and they have been gummy and flavorless (the filling is made up of chopped chives...looks nice, but not exactly a robust taste) every time. Oh, my GOP Baby wants me to mention the Wonton Soup. It is pretty good, although they should shred the cabbage, not just toss leaves in. Order it and you'll see what I mean.
Also, make certain you order either the Perfect Martini (with Bombay Sapphire, of course, and olives) or, if you don't feel like drinking, try the Thai Iced Coffee.
If you're coming on a peak night (Friday or Saturday), get there a bit early. The place is pretty small (it seats about 40 - 50, tops) and it can fill up quickly. Prices are low to moderate for the area (about $6 - $15 per entree).
You can find Singh Thai at

2311 Wilson Blvd.
Arling, VA
Phone: 703-312-7118
Metro: Court House (Orange Line)

Good Eating - Firehook Bakery

2004-08-12T13:18:00.000-05:00

Firehook is a local chain of coffee and noshes shops. I just went to the Capitol Hill store for a loaf of their fab green olive and rosemary bread. When I head there for lunch, I tend towards the salads - although they offer a wide selection of sandwiches, I find most pre-made, pre-wrapped sandwiches have soggy bread, a big no-no for me. The reason to go, though, are the breads and cookies. They have one, the chocolate mocha chew, which, along with a strong cup of coffee, is hard to beat. Service is usually pretty good, if somewhat indifferent. But, it's a coffee and pasty shop, so they don't have to dance and smile, as long as they are not expecting me to tip.

So, the next time the cookie jones hits you, find the nearest Firehook. You won't be disappointed.

For more info, go here.

DVD Review - Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, Vol. 1

2004-08-11T21:30:00.000-05:00

GitS:SAC is the first four eps of the television series based on the work of Masamune Shirow's manga.

What It's About

In 2030, Major Kusanage of the Japanese government's elite Section 9 fights to keep the Home Islands safe from terrorists, hackers, runaway cybertanks, and machines with emerging intelligence. Oh, and the Major, an ass-kicking hottie, is a cyborg, everything except her brain and spine having been replaced with a machine body.

The Good

The animation is beautiful. While not quite at the level of the movie, it is still stunning. Essentially, each 22 minute episode shows more care and detail than any Disney film.
The characters are interesting and distinct. The show has very "cop shop" feel to it, while the stories are pretty complex and thoughtful.
The English language dubbing is pretty good. The only really annoying voices are those of Section 9's cybertanks, which all sound like Mickey Mouse after sucking on a helium balloon.

The Bad

First, the length of each episode really detracts from the stories. Each, except for the first, could have easily stood to be an hour long.
Second, the disc ends with a cliffhanger, so you have to wait for volume two to see how it ends.

The Disc

The image is nice and the sound is crisp. There are a few extras (interviews with the director and one of the voice actresses and a few trailers), but nothing too outstanding. But, this really is a disc to buy for the main feature, not the extras.

GitS:SAC is an outstanding program, both for the art and the writing. I highly recommend it and can't wait for volume two to be released.

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fightin'

2004-08-11T15:10:00.000-05:00

One of the best sites on the Web for news on Kung Fu movies, Asian horror and scefi, bullet ballets, etc. is Kung Fu Cinema. The writing is good, the scope is wide, the pics are plentiful, and it is fairly regularly updated. Well worth the finger action (you know, click-click).

Welcome

2004-08-11T08:08:00.000-05:00

Welcome to Blog number 2. I already have one, Kinshasa on the Potomac, that deals with poltiics, foreign policy, science, etc. But, I have another set of interests: movies, music, games, and so on. Essentially, the "fluffy" stuff in life. So, thanks to the miracle of Blogger, I'll use Nuthin' But Fluff as a forum for those interests.